4:13 Podcast: Can I Wait Well When Disappointment is Wearing Me Out? with Kerstin Lindquist [Episode 151]

Jennifer Rothschild: Ever felt like you're just stuck waiting? Unemployment, illness, infertility, even seasons of joylessness are all waiting rooms that we just long to get out of. But what if those waiting rooms that we dread are actually full of gifts that we're just too frustrated to fight? Well, today author and Emmy Award winning TV host Kerstin Lindquist is going to give us a blueprint for waiting well. She'll offer to all of us practical wisdom for coping through each season, covering everything from food to faith. And by the end of this podcast, my friend, you will have clear strategies to help you not just go through your wait, but grow through it. So, K.C., let's get to it.

K.C. Wright: Welcome to the 4:13 Podcast, where practical encouragement and Biblical wisdom set you up to live the "I Can" life, because you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Now, let me introduce your host, Jennifer Rothchild.

Jennifer Rothschild: Hey, our people. You are at the 4:13 and we are so glad you're here. I'm Jennifer. I'm just here to help you be and do more than you feel capable of as you continually, along with me and K.C., learn to live this "I Can" life of Philippians 4:13. You are in the right place because it is two friends, one topic, and --

Jennifer and K.C.: -- zero stress.

Jennifer Rothschild: Zero.

K.C. Wright: Zero. Good thing this podcast has zero stress, because what we're talking about today can stress us out.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

K.C. Wright: Waiting.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

K.C. Wright: Waiting. How long? When, God, when? Why, God, why?

Jennifer Rothschild: I know.

K.C. Wright: Waiting can be stressful.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, dude, it so can be, especially like when you are waiting for the doctor, you know, to get back to you with test results.

K.C. Wright: Or when you're in seventh grade and you're waiting for the girl to check the box. Do you like me? Yes or no? Check the box.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes. it is never easy, no matter what, but especially when your whole heart is hanging on what you're waiting for. You know, like having a baby or finding a spouse or getting well. Y'all know what we're talking about. So today our guest Kerstin, you're going to love her because she's going to help us learn how to wait well when we find ourselves in life's waiting rooms. So I think we just need to get right to it, K.C. Let's just introduce her.

K.C. Wright: Kerstin Lindquist is the author of "5 Months Apart: A Story of Infertility, Faith and Grace." And the book she's talking about today, "Where's My Crown for Acting Like Everything is Fine?" She is a four-time Emmy Award winning journalist and QVC host. Her articles on family, fitness, and faith can be seen in various media outlets from Vibrant Life magazine to The Today Show. Kerstin lives with her husband and three children in West Chester, Pennsylvania. They spend their free time in warm climates, preferably with sand. I can so relate. So here's Kerstin and Jennifer.

Jennifer Rothschild: Kerstin, I know your story and I love your story. And I know that you have had lots of really hard waits in your life, so I would just love it if you would share those with us.

Kerstin Lindquist: Absolutely. You know, the whole idea of waiting and bringing that to other people and praying about wait started with me waiting to become a mother. We went through a lot of just difficult, difficult dark times trying to build a family. And once that was in process -- we have adopted now two children and we have one that came from the womb -- all of those held waits of their own, and loss within the wait as well, and I felt like I really wanted to take a spin on waits because we go through so much of that in our lives. And for me, I lost a lot of babies, and then I waited for my daughter to be born, who was adopted, and then we lost again and then waited for the next. And it just continued to present itself, which made it, for me, a learning opportunity and a chance for me to become closer to my Lord as a result.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. But, you know, as I heard you even describe it, that's a lot of being -- anticipating, waiting just to be disappointed, so it makes it even harder to persevere through the next wait just to be disappointed. And so one of the things I heard when you were sharing that, too, is, you know, that word w-a-i-t sounds exactly like that word w-e-i-g-h-t.

Kerstin Lindquist: Sure does, doesn't it?

Jennifer Rothschild: And I would think there's a lot of heaviness with those kind of waits. And so I know that faith and fitness have been a huge part of how you've managed those hard waits, and I want us to talk about faith. But first I'm curious, I want to talk about the fitness part. Because you describe two categories of exercise that are essential to thrive when you're in those difficult seasons of waiting. So can you explain those to us.

Kerstin Lindquist: Absolutely. I love that you brought that up, because a lot of people, especially when they talk to a woman of faith like myself, who writes faith-based books and does that type of thing, they're like, "Really, the fitness aspect?" And I think that everything really goes hand in hand, because when you are -- and I don't like to say, you know, it's about weight loss and exercise. It's about wellness and total body mind, body, spirit health is what we're talking about. So in terms of fitness, it's one of the best ways to clear your head, to get out of your head when it comes to this wait that you're going through, whether it be something that is weighty, like infertility, like I went through, or it's just waiting for your car to get fixed, whatever it is. The two main areas are kind of a more really getting in there and doing your five days out of the week, 30 minutes, you know, whatever it is that works for you, whether it be a run, a walk, on a bike, a group fitness class, a yoga class, whatever it might be. That is our traditional we think of. You know, the CDC says you need to be working out 30 minutes most days, that type of thing --

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Kerstin Lindquist: -- that type of thing, which I think, is very, very important, although I've got a lot to say on that as well in terms of breaking it apart. Small bits are fantastic. So that's your more of hardcore exercise. And then there is just your everyday moving. And I think that is so much more important, especially in our world right now. If you're somebody who is like, I just can't, Kerstin. I'd rather do anything but exercise, I will say to you, Fine. Move. Make movement a part of your life. Wear clothes all day long that you can move in. Be the one to go get the remote control; don't ask your husband to go get it. Be the one that runs upstairs and brings the laundry down; don't ask the kids to do it. Just keep moving. Walk around your car at pick-up when you're trying to get the children. So those are two categories. Traditional exercise, which is hard to really make a part of your life for a lot of people. But the other part, even more important, we can all do, no matter where you are in your life.

Jennifer Rothschild: That's super good advice, because, you know, we've all heard lately that sitting is the new smoking, you know.

Kerstin Lindquist: Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: So I'm a fan of my Apple Watch because I'm super competitive with myself. And it'll tell you how much you're moving and how many steps.

Kerstin Lindquist: Right.

Jennifer Rothschild: And I appreciate you bringing that because that's so practical and so doable. You can be washing the dishes and marching in place, you know.

Kerstin Lindquist: You can.

Jennifer Rothschild: A good word. And it does, it helps -- it helps with that -- I like how you said clears your head. And, boy, do our heads get crowded, so we need that. So let's stay with fitness, because I think what we put in our body matters just as much.

Kerstin Lindquist: Absolutely.

Jennifer Rothschild: So what foods did you eat and what foods would you recommend we choose that'll support us when we're in one of these depleting hard seasons of struggle?

Kerstin Lindquist: Oh, what a great question. Because food is huge. The three main components to wellness are how you eat, how you move, and how you sleep. And actually, sleep is the most important. But they're all really supported by how you eat and how you move, move being the third in the row of importance. So eating is right there in the middle. Hydration first and foremost. So we all know that our bodies are made up of mostly water, and we need to be replenishing that. So if I could say, what's the one thing that I could do, Kerstin, right now to help me in terms of what I'm putting in my body, I will say focus on what you're drinking. And it doesn't have to just be water. You can drink your supplements, your collagen supplements which are really big right now, or your Eat Greens, you know, those little tablets that have all of your vegetables . That taste really good, by the way. There's a lot of those out on the market right now. It could be your cup of coffee, it could be tea. Just up the hydration. Get as much of the liquids into your body as you can. Shoot for half your body weight in ounces of water -- but again I use that word loosely -- every single day. So that's where I start. The second place I take you is fall back in love with vegetables. And I know that that's hard for so many people. But it takes 21 to 30 days to make something a habit. If you commit for those 21 to 30 days -- and pick any vegetable you want, or vegetables that you want -- and work them in every single day, you will start to train your palate. It happened to me about three years ago. And I talk about it in my newest book. For me, I had to do a jump start. I had to do a group plan. And actually, funny enough -- I don't even talk about what it was in the book -- but I did Nutrisystem.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, good.

Kerstin Lindquist: And I wasn't in a place where I needed to really actually lose weight, I just needed to rein in how I was eating. And that jumpstarted me in those 21days to have a new relationship with vegetables. And since then, they have changed my life. Does that sound funny?

Jennifer Rothschild: A carrot can change your life. I love it.

Kerstin Lindquist: It can change your life. But that is -- and it's what I crave now. And, girl, I will tell you, I am chocolate and -- I lived in France, so I am brie and bread. And now what I -- like, I need broccoli every single day. You have to commit to having a better relationship with vegetables. Start with trying to have three servings of vegetables before 3:00 p.m. every single day. So start with your hydration, then three servings of vegetables before 3:00 p.m. every single day. Easy search on the Internet will tell you what a serving is. And it's not huge. Doesn't have to be. Try and do that. So go there, go vegetables, and then try and incorporate both beans -- beans are like a magical fruit for you and for your wellness. And if you are a meat eater, swap out one serving of meat for a fish or a vegetarian meal every single week. So start with those three. They're very attainable. These aren't hard to do.

Jennifer Rothschild: No, they're not. And you know what I like too about it is they're all healthy choices that you've given us so far. And I think one of the hardest things when we're in a difficult season of waiting, we do not know what to do. We cannot figure out our next step. And so for someone listening, this is practical, doable. And when your body has the support it needs, then your spirit can be lifted and your mind can think more clearly. So let's ask one more question, because you already hinted toward it. I want to ask one more question about fitness before we move to faith. OK?

Kerstin Lindquist: Great.

Jennifer Rothschild: Rest. How do we break the cycle of a lack of sleep? Because, man, we toss and turn when we're struggling. So how do we deal with that?

Kerstin Lindquist: That's such a good question. And I love what you just said right before that, people might be thinking, why is this girl talking about broccoli when I'm going through a struggle of waiting for my spouse to get over an illness or whatever it is the wait that you're going through. And your body will thrive on the food you're eating. And if you're putting all sugar and process in it, it is not going to thrive the right way. If you want your brain and you want your body to respond to this struggle that you're in, you have to be feeding it the right foods, which is why it's so important to really drill into that. The number one most important thing you can do to survive this wait, this heaviness that you might be in right now, whatever you're going through, is to address your sleep. And you said the word rest, which is so important, because there's a difference between sleep and rest. And I do talk a lot about rest because I think -- you know, my spiritual advisor asked me the other day, he's like, "How are you doing with your rest?" And I was like, "Well, I get eight hours of sleep a night." He's like, "Kerstin, I'm not talking about sleep. I'm talking about are you resting." So that's a very important thing for all of us, especially women, to be worried -- not worried -- thinking about, is how we're resting. But the sleep part is I need you to shoot for seven to nine hours of sleep. That's what the majority of us need -- I know there's outliers -- of sleep every single night. How do you do that? It starts by working backwards. You need to commit to going to bed earlier. And I want you to give yourself grace if you're a new mother. I always want you to give yourself grace. But if you're a new mother and things like that, I am not necessarily speaking to you at this time. But for the majority of us, even if you are working shift work -- which I've done a good part of my life -- your nighttime might be your daytime, so just work for you. Work back an hour or so and get yourself to sleep earlier. And I give you a lot of tangible tools to do that. A couple of them would be getting rid of the blue light. Simple five-dollar blue light blocking glasses as soon as the sun goes down -- which is really early right now -- is going to help you get into that space a little bit easier. Going back to the food, closing the kitchen two hours before bedtime, because that food will interrupt your sleep and won't allow you to do it. So closing the kitchen. I talk about praying over your bed at night. I know it sounds crazy, but it works. So there are a lot of things you can do to help rein in that sleep. And if you can only focus on one thing to help you thrive in this wait, it is to get better sleep.

Jennifer Rothschild: Good word. And I love your energy. And I can tell you are doing the things that you recommend we do, because I can hear it in your voice, I can sense it in your spirit. So let's go to your faith. OK? There's no way that you could have lived through these kind of difficult losses that you -- you know, and you just briefly described them and my heart felt them. OK? But there's no way you could have done this without your faith. And so I know that even in the hard middle of all of it, you still found joy and beauty. So I want to know how that happened for you and how can that happen for somebody else who feels stuck in a hard wait?

Kerstin Lindquist: Oh, wow. So I will be very honest with you. As I was going through the depths now 13, 14 years ago, and then again when I had to -- when we went through a really tough time adopting my third child about six years ago, five or six years ago, I felt very far from my Lord and I had a really hard time seeing the light, seeing how I could be used for anything in this because I was in so much pain. But even when I was in that pain -- and I hope this is something that our listeners and you will hear. When I was in that pain, I was still striving for God. And so I hear women talking a lot about, I feel so far from him. I don't know -- I'm mad at him. I don't know how this is going to work because it's such a horrible situation. And my response is, oh, sister, daughter, the fact that you're bringing it up, the fact that you're saying, I'm far from God and I don't know how this is working means that you're still striving for him. And you need to give yourself grace in that. That's the beauty. As long as you keep talking to our Father and still begging him, fighting with him, whatever it might be for you, as long as you're still communicating with him, you are winning in this struggle. And winning's not the right word. But you are moving forward and learning in this struggle. Because when you cut yourself off from God, when you walk away, that's when we really hit that problem. So even in the depths of my pain and my anger and my struggle where I didn't feel like I was being a very good Christian or, you know, wasn't growing in my faith, I was because I was still striving for God. And I will tell you, one of the biggest ways that I learned to heal through all of that and the loss of children and almost the loss of my marriage through this, and just everything that went along with this pain, was serving others. The minute that I could go do something for somebody else, it took that focus off of me. It took me out of my head. And really a wonderful way to get through whatever your pain you're in is to serve others. And that's kind of how all of this happened. Two or three years into my infertility and loss and things like that, I turned it around into writing about it and reaching out to other women and praying for them, and, oh my goodness, there's such healing in sharing your story. And it helped me become a stronger Christian by hearing the stories of other women and being able to pray for them. So serving and sharing are two of the biggest ways that I grew and faced through everything that I've been through.

Jennifer Rothschild: You know what I hear too you saying, Kerstin, is that -- and I hope other women who are listening hear this. You're not saying I became an expert on loss and infertility.

Kerstin Lindquist: No.

Jennifer Rothschild: You just said, I was experiencing it and being honest about it, and in that it helped other women. And as you began to help carry their burdens and speak into their loss, it helped, you know, maybe just give you a different way to manage your own. Isn't that just the way God works? He redeems everything. You know?

Kerstin Lindquist: He sure does.

Jennifer Rothschild: I mean, even your greatest loss can be redeemed to be someone's lifeline. We just never know. So way to be brave. And for someone listening, be brave.

Kerstin Lindquist: Be brave.

Jennifer Rothschild: Share your story. You can still be in process. You don't have to be an expert. Be in process, but be honest. It's a good word, Sister.

Kerstin Lindquist: Absolutely.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right. You have given us such great advice, and I'm glad you've written a book, because clearly there's not time on this podcast to go through all of it. And I highly recommend just -- I love how doable your book is. So you've given us great advice, but this will be our last question.

Kerstin Lindquist: OK.

Jennifer Rothschild: I got to know, what is the best advice you ever got?

Kerstin Lindquist: Oh, wow. Best advice ever -- I've ever -- OK, that's easy. Actually, now I know. How to use gratitude as a strategy. So when you are hurting, when you are having a hard time -- and I think a lot right now, especially 2020 perhaps, people wake up every morning hurting, right? It's been a struggle -- is to use gratitude as a strategy. So when you wake up in the morning, list the five things that you're grateful. I moved it to seven about three months ago. I was like, I don't know, I need more than five. I need to keep it going. And then every night before you go to bed, the five things that you're grateful for. And when you are in the throes of pain or hurt or you feel the anxiety raising up, or you wake up in the middle of the night full of anxiety, listing what you're grateful for, thanking the Lord Jesus for what you have even, if it's something as small as, oh, a cup of coffee when I wake up in the morning, I know I'm going to get to have that, or my children are healthy. Whatever it might be, using gratitude as a strategy for everything.

Jennifer Rothschild: OK, you've heard it, now you know why you need to read her story. So if you know somebody who's dealing with, you know, the ups and downs of infertility or adoption, then obviously this book is for that person. But you just heard how practical it is. You know, it's like a handbook for no matter what you're going through. And we have three copies to give away.

K.C. Wright: Three copies.

Jennifer Rothschild: Three.

K.C. Wright: The odds are in your favor. So go to Jennifer's Instagram @jenrothschild to enter. And, of course, you can find the link at the show notes at 413podcast.com/151. And you'll also find a great summary of Jennifer's highlights and takeaways. Well, sadly, we need to say goodbye because I need to eat some vegetables, right? And so do you, my 413'ers. So remember, whatever you face or however you feel, you can do all things through Christ who gives you supernatural strength. And that includes eating broccoli. I hope my daughter is listening to this podcast. I can.

Jennifer Rothschild: I can.

Jennifer and K.C.: And you can.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, this will be the one you need to make Ellie listen to.

K.C. Wright: Right, right.

Jennifer Rothschild: Right? You know, we found some old DVDs of Veggie Tales. Do you remember those?

K.C. Wright: Oh, yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: If you like to talk --

Jennifer and K.C.: -- to tomatoes, if a squash can make you smile.

Jennifer Rothschild: Hey, that's what it takes to eat veggies.