4:13 Podcast: Can I Unleash My Inner Donkey? Really! With Rachel Anne Ridge [Episode 263]

Rachel Anne Ridge: I listened as these five or six other professional accomplished women had their bios read, and with each bio I just felt like I wanted to sink into the floor and disappear. I felt so dumb and out of place. They were listing their awards and degrees and their boards and all of these achievements, and what did I have? I felt like how did I even -- I don't belong here, how did I get here? And it was in that moment that I felt like a donkey in a world that celebrates the race horses.

Jennifer Rothschild: Today we are going to embrace our inner donkey. Yep. Some of us feel like donkeys in a world that celebrates race horses. But life is not about competing for gold medals, it's about discovering our own medal. In other words, understanding our unique strengths and using them to mine all the gold that God already put within us. So today on The 4:13, Rachel Anne Ridge is going to explain the Donkey Principle, and it will help you overcome obstacles, create lasting change, and achieve meaningful success. You have got to hear this conversation to believe it, so let's get started.

K.C. Wright: Welcome, welcome to the 4:13 Podcast -- we're so glad you're here -- where practical encouragement and biblical wisdom set you and I up to live the "I Can" life, because -- here's truth -- you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

Now, welcome your host of The 4:13, Jennifer Rothschild.

Jennifer Rothschild: Hey, everybody. Glad you're back with us again. Jennifer here to help you be and do more than you feel capable of as you're living this "I Can" life. And I know some of you are just, like, hanging on because you're like, what in the world are they talking about today with an inner donkey? And I just want you to know, we all need to be very grateful and impressed that my co-host sitting over here to my right has not made one donkey sound or one donkey pun. It's actually a miracle. I was waiting for it, and it hasn't happened. You've grown up, K.C. That big birthday, you just went to a whole new level of maturity.

K.C. Wright: [imitates a donkey sound while speaking] She always says that.

Jennifer Rothschild: I knew it was coming. I knew it.

K.C. Wright: Sorry. I am now seeing so many clips from Shrek --

Jennifer Rothschild: I know you are.

K.C. Wright: -- and Donkey in Shrek flooding my mind right now.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, my gosh. Okay, y'all are going to love this conversation. By the way, I just wanted you to know this weekend I'm going to be in Phoenix, Arizona. If you're close by, it's a Lifeway Women Live. So check us out and come see me and a bunch of other Bible study teachers who you love. But we've got somebody we are just going to fall in love with on the podcast, Rachel Anne, I'm just saying you're going to love her.

But, K.C., just tell me what's going on in your life. I just need to know. I'm going to Phoenix. But what's up with you?

K.C. Wright: Okay. Well, the Bible clearly states if you confess your sins one to another, you may be healed.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, good. I had no idea we were confessing sins. I love this. Go ahead.

K.C. Wright: So I didn't know -- that's one thing I love. J.R. always says -- when I come in, I vent before we -- because -- I almost have a confessional with her before we record. And she goes, "Oh, I" -- she always says this, "Oh, I love other people's drama."

Jennifer Rothschild: I do love other people's drama. Do you have drama?

K.C. Wright: Well, I need real prayer.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay. Well, I'm not going to mess with you until I know if you're serious. But go ahead and confess your sin.

K.C. Wright: I have an issue that I may need therapy and counseling with.

Jennifer Rothschild: Ooh.

K.C. Wright: I have been buying too much on Amazon.

Jennifer Rothschild: Ooh.

K.C. Wright: Can anyone relate?

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes. And I can't help you with this. Go ahead, though.

K.C. Wright: So I don't know what's happened, but I'll be at home working, I'll be in the depths of work, and all of a sudden I'll find myself on the Amazon tab and I'm just clicking away.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

K.C. Wright: And these packages show up on your porch and it's like Santa Claus has been to your house.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

K.C. Wright: Or when I'm out of town, I do clicking on my app. And then I'll come home --

Jennifer Rothschild: And there it is.

K.C. Wright: -- and there's all these boxes, and I'm saying, "Somebody loves me." And then I think, "It's me. I'm the one who loves me."

Jennifer Rothschild: You know when it's a bad problem?

K.C. Wright: What?

Jennifer Rothschild: When you go to open a box and you're like, "What is this? I can't remember what I bought," because you bought so many things.

K.C. Wright: Right. Right.

Jennifer Rothschild: Maybe or maybe not. I know a friend who does that. It's not me.

K.C. Wright: But, Jennifer, honestly, I will go out several times a day and just go on my porch looking for boxes like it's an Easter egg hunt.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, K.C.

K.C. Wright: And so anyway, I've got to really get control of this Amazon thing. So I deleted the app off my phone.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, that's impressive.

K.C. Wright: I deleted the app, and so now I'm just now exercising self-control when I'm at home. But here's the thing. You don't have to go to the store anymore.

Jennifer Rothschild: I know.

K.C. Wright: Oh, you need mouthwash? Amazon's got it. You need toilet paper?

Jennifer Rothschild: I know.

K.C. Wright: We got it.

Jennifer Rothschild: I know.

K.C. Wright: You need an antenna for your car? Got it.

Jennifer Rothschild: You need a data blocker for your phone, which you really don't need? Which was what I just bought. Phil said, "Why'd you buy a data blocker?" I said, "So I could block my data." Because I travel so much and I plug in my phone.

K.C. Wright: That's true.

Jennifer Rothschild: What if somebody's trying to steal my data?

K.C. Wright: Well, I've read articles.

Jennifer Rothschild: I have too.

K.C. Wright: Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: And Amazon has it. But here's the thing. We do want to support local. So way to go, you. And it'll help you pay for your Jeep, the less Amazon you buy.

K.C. Wright: That's right. I mean, why go to the store? I mean, it's just one click and it's on your porch. And it's so fun to have gifts.

Jennifer Rothschild: It's so fun. But you know what's not fun?

K.C. Wright: What?

Jennifer Rothschild: Collapsing all those boxes to recycle.

K.C. Wright: I know, but -- you know, and if you're thinking, man, K.C., you're carnal, I mean, all you do is buy things. Well, you know what? I found a Scripture that supports this.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, what?

K.C. Wright: The Bible says that he loads us daily with blessings.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, there you go.

K.C. Wright: And when I see those Amazon boxes, those are daily blessings that he's loading me up with.

Jennifer Rothschild: That and when it's not a blessing anymore, it has a really liberal return policy. So there you go.

All right, people. So -- I love your drama. Thank you for sharing it.

K.C. Wright: You're welcome.

Jennifer Rothschild: Actually, quite honestly, I have the same issue. I ebb and flow out of it. But, yeah, there are times -- boredom is never our friend when it comes to easy spending convenience.

K.C. Wright: No.

Jennifer Rothschild: So, yes, Lord, give us self-control. That is one of the fruits of the spirit that doesn't taste very good at all. Anyway...

All right. So we are going to move to this conversation about our inner donkey. And I'm not even going to give you any setup because you are going to love what Rachel has to share. So K.C., introduce her.

K.C. Wright: Rachel Anne Ridge is an author, professional artist, and a motivational speaker. Her books "Flash: The Homeless Donkey Who Taught Me About Life, Faith, and Second Chances" and "Walking with Henry" have delighted readers with their entertaining tales and absolute amazing life lessons. Rachel is a certified life coach and a mom to three adult children and Nana to five grandbabies. All right?

Jennifer Rothschild: Wow.

K.C. Wright: Now, lean back and enjoy this conversation between Rachel and Jennifer. Y'all, it's going to be so good.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes, it is.

K.C. Wright: Listen in.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right, Rachel, I have looked forward to this, because I can say truthfully that I have absolutely never had a conversation about donkeys. So we are going to start right there with donkeys, because you own two of them, I understand. And I want to know how that happened, and why are donkeys so important to you?

Rachel Anne Ridge: Oh, my goodness. Well, yes, you are not the first interviewer that is kind of scratching their head wondering why they're in a conversation about donkeys. But I now have three, so that's my update. But I, goodness, never would have thought that donkeys would be part of my life. Many years ago now, a stray donkey showed up unannounced, uninvited, and landed on my driveway literally late one night. And what was an overnight stay, we thought was an overnight stay, became a permanent adoption into our family. And this first donkey, who we named Flash, became just my own personal object lesson in the pasture. And he arrived at a time that I was so desperate for God to speak into my life, to make some changes, to just try to figure out what my next steps would be. And it turned out that I needed to look no further than this stray obstinate, loud, opinionated donkey in my pasture, and it just has embarked me on a whole new trajectory of my life.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, that is so fascinating. So I want to ask you about, then, the impact of the donkey. But before I do, you've gotten two more. So what are their names?

Rachel Anne Ridge: Well, donkey number two is Henry. He's a little chocolate covered -- colored miniature donkey, and he is adorable. He became my prayer walk partner for many years. And then this last one is Tova, and she is a snow-white rescue donkey who was rescued from a kill pen in Texas. So each one has an interesting story of how they've intersected with my life. And if you believe that God can speak in unusual and unexpected ways, then have I got some donkey stories for you.

Jennifer Rothschild: You and Balaam. I love it. I love it.

Okay. Well, what's interesting about that is the donkey is not necessarily the -- like, if we were going to say, hey, you know, what kind of animal would you be if you were an animal, most people don't say donkey. Okay? So we live in this world where, you know, everything's fast, like race horses. Okay? So I'm wondering, now that you've gotten these donkeys and you've learned so much from them, have you ever felt like a donkey stuck in the middle of a race horse world?

Rachel Anne Ridge: Oh, my goodness. That is my life in a nutshell. There was a moment recently, maybe a couple of years ago in the past, where I was invited to be on a panel. It was a women's event, professional women. And we were each asked on this panel to talk about our professional journeys and our achievements and how we got there. And as luck would have it, I was the last person to be introduced. And so I listened as these five or six other professional accomplished women had their bios read. And with each bio, I just felt like I wanted to sink into the floor and disappear. I felt so dumb and out of place. They were listing their awards and degrees and their boards and all of these achievements. And what did I have? I felt like how did I even -- I don't belong here, how did I get here? And it was in that moment that I felt like a donkey in a world that celebrates the race horses. My path to writing and creativity and any kind of success that I might have achieved was such a slow, lurching trail. I felt like it was hard won and hard fought and I didn't have any awards or medals to show for it.

And in that moment, I realized that I needed to just embrace that inner donkey. If I felt like a donkey, I should just embrace that and realize that that story that had brought me to that moment was my unique strength and my unique resourcefulness, and that the gifts that God had given me were what I needed for my life and my journey. So I think all of us have probably felt like that donkey in a race horse world and felt less than these people that have achieved so much and so quickly. And we look at our own lives and feel so shabby and slow and wonder what we have to offer.

And so I wrote this book. "The Donkey Principle" really focused on that to help us to stop comparing ourselves to those race horses, but just to look at the unique strengths and abilities that we have within us that give us the strength and ability to accomplish the trail that's set before us. So I've had a lot of fun with that metaphor. It's been very, very meaningful to me.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, it's so tangible to us, and I love that.

And so let's move to your book. Because in your book, you do share the Donkey Principle. So can you kind of, in a nutshell, tell us what the Donkey Principle is, and how does it help us make lasting change, if that's what we need, and how does it help us stay focused on our purpose?

Rachel Anne Ridge: That's such a great question. Really the Donkey Principle is really very simple, and it's just this: is that when you embrace your, quote, inner donkey, you'll find and flourish in the meaningful work that you were created to do. Finding your unique strengths and purpose, I think it takes time. It takes effort. Sometimes it's looking at our past and our present, looking at the journey that's brought us here, and really exploring the strengths that we do have and honoring those things. Sometimes we feel like, well, if we're not comfortable on a stage with a microphone in our hands and a spotlight on us, well, you know, what are we good for, right?

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. Right.

Rachel Anne Ridge: But then others of us, our strength, our joy is in making spreadsheets for people that are legible and communicate something, or serving in a way that's behind the scenes. And we tend to devalue those behind-the-scenes strengths and abilities that we have. And this book is all about bringing those forward and acknowledging those and really beginning to celebrate those strengths and abilities that may not get the spotlight, but really bring you into a place of joy and service and community and finding your place.

Jennifer Rothschild: When you describe that and you think about it -- I'm not a donkey expert like you, but I don't think I've ever perceived or read about or heard anything about a donkey who's trying to be anything other than a donkey. And it reminds me of just how we can do that, because we have the tendency to compare ourselves to others. I mean, you already talked about it just beautifully, and we could all identify with it. I mean, we do this. And so I'm curious, do you think comparison, is that all bad? And if it isn't the best thing, like, what should we focus on instead? How do we get over that?

Rachel Anne Ridge: Well, we live in a world that just allows us to see the best of everybody. We can open our Facebook or Instagram or, you know, Twitter, or just watch HDTV, and see how all the other people are living their lives. And one of two things can happen. We can maybe be inspired to achieve or up our game. That can be a good thing. It's good to be exposed to new ideas and ways of doing things. But if anybody's like me, I tend to just implode when I see what -- when other people are doing, or feel a sense of competition, like, oh, I'm going to have to compete to get more likes on this post or on this tweet or, you know, something. And it invites this level of competition which becomes an endless loop. I call that just that race track mentality that you're going round and round and round, and at the end of it there's only going to be one winner that's going to be crowned and receive a gold medal.

But really when you embrace your inner donkey, what you're saying is that you are not made for a race track. You're not made for a race horse world. You are made for those trails and mountain treks. You're really made for the gold mines. So rather than competing for a medal that somebody else confers upon you, you are made and built with strength to go deep into the gold mine time after time and bring up a motherlode of gold that you can give to the world, that you can make the world more beautiful with your unique giftings and abilities, and there's no competition that's involved. So when we're focused on maybe these external prizes and things that are so easy to fall into, then we are not focused on the things that bring meaning and joy and value to the world.

Jennifer Rothschild: Man, that is such a good word. Such a timely word.

And I know one of the things that you do is you help people to get unstuck. So I would just be curious, in your experience what do you think some of the reasons are that people do get stuck?

Rachel Anne Ridge: Well, there's probably as many reasons as there are people in the world. I always go back to just an acronym of gold, G-O-L-D. And I've used it in the book and I've just highlighted a few ways that that can work. But really at each one of these letters, each one of these places is a place where you can easily get stuck.

The G, if you want to just remember this really easily, is that you've got to give yourself permission. So often we're waiting for someone else to give us permission to open the door or to say yes to a creative wish or desire to do something, to write or to plant that garden or bake that cake or write that blog post. We're waiting for a gatekeeper to open the gate for us. And really, we've got to give ourselves the permission to open that gate ourselves and step through it, to learn to play, to be creative, to be curious. That probably in my experience is the biggest place where we get stuck.

The O in that acronym is talking about owning your story. And so often we get stuck in our stories either by not acknowledging the past that's brought us to where we are, or we're trying to escape from it, or we're trying to reinvent ourselves. But owning our story is acknowledging and giving honor to the past that's brought us here. It's giving honor to the present moment that we find ourselves in and helps us to really look toward the future of how can we write our future story. Owning your story, that's another place that people get stuck in not wanting to do that.

The L is for leaning into your unique strengths or leaning into the process. And so often we know what we should do. We have a list, we have a To-Do list, but we don't really lean into the process. For example, I have written books. And for many years that was just -- you know, it was a desire. I talked about it, I dreamed about it, I wished for it, but I never really sat down to make that dream a reality. And finally I had to give myself permission to do it. I had to clear my calendar, I had to look and own my own story and be honest about a lot of things that I had kind of whitewashed or glossed over. But then leaning into the process and into the unique strengths means that you've got to actually do the work. Learn how to -- you know, take classes, attend webinars. Go to Google University. Learn the process of that thing that you're wanting to do.

And then finally, delivering it. I mean, all of the ideas and the things that you think about and you wish and you go to seminars, none of that's any good unless you actually do the work and deliver something. Put it on paper, publish it, give your baked creation to someone. Take a photo, put something on a calendar. Your best work and your best you, it can't live in a drawer or a closet. You have to finish it and you have to ship it.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Rachel Anne Ridge: And so many of us have unfinished projects that we're afraid to finish because we think it's not going to be good enough or it's not going to be received well enough. But you're never going to get better or change the world in the way that you want to do it unless you call it done and ship it, give it, put it out there in the world.

So G-O-L-D. Each of those four areas are places where we can easily get stuck, but when we address them just step by step, some amazing, amazing things can happen.

Jennifer Rothschild: You get unstuck and there's --

Rachel Anne Ridge: You get unstuck.

Jennifer Rothschild: -- the gold in your life. I love it.

You know, as you describe that too, I think in my life what has kept me from those four choices, it's usually perfectionism, you know, because perfectionists procrastinate. Or maybe we always get it done, but then we're like, oh, but it's not good enough. It could get better, so I'm not going to deliver. And I think it's so smart the way you have systematically broken that up. Because for all the Type A's out there who are now starting to feel the pressure of the four things, dude, you do one at a time. One at a time. That's it. And I think there's a lot of freedom there. I love how clear that is. Rachel.

Another thing in your book, you encourage your readers to find their meaningful work. Because you just basically said deliver the work. But you're encouraging us to do something even more than that. Find your meaningful work that they were actually created to do. So expand on that idea.

Rachel Anne Ridge: Well, I think everybody wants to do something meaningful in this world. We might struggle with, like, what's my calling? What am I good at? And I encourage people to just explore their own stories to begin with. What has brought you here? What's your family like? What is your past? What have you struggled with? What difficulties have you faced? Some of us have trauma or deep personal pain that we don't want to think about or address, we just as soon, you know, not go there. And yet I believe that it's worth taking the time to explore our stories and take the time to just imagine is there something -- is there some way that your story can be brought forth in something that you enjoy doing or something that you are passionate about.

For example -- so I'm in the animal world. I didn't plan on it, but here I am, you know. And there are people who love, love, love their four-footed creatures and can find great joy and healing in just spending time with them. I have friends who are animal therapists or who just have found a way to take their story and connect with a passion to create that meaningful work. No one can do that for you. You have to take some time to explore those things. And sometimes, again, it's giving yourself permission to explore a creative wish or a secret dream or something that you've thought, oh, I've always really kind of liked to do that. And maybe it doesn't seem like it connects with your story in any way, but I think bringing that from a back burner to a front burner and then just seeing what happens with it. If you take a class or learn to improve your skill or try to become a master at that skill, taking one step at a time, you will be amazed at how eventually that is going to intersect with your story in an amazing way.

I think those two intersecting stories of finding the things that you are interested in, passionate about, and then exploring your story, they may seem like they don't have anything to do with one another, but as you are exploring both of those, God can do something really amazing and put you in a place where you are doing that meaningful work that you're created to do.

Jennifer Rothschild: Wow. Yeah, because your story is not just there, like you said, to keep on the back burner. There's a reason for it. And so I love that encouragement.

One of the things, too, that struck me in your book, you suggested something I thought was interesting. I like this, so I want you to explain it. Okay? Because you suggest we stop using the phrase "live your best life." Okay? So let's say we stop using that phrase, and instead you say we should try to live our goodest life. Okay? So tell us what you mean by this.

Rachel Anne Ridge: Oh, yeah. Well, you know, our goodest life -- well, you know, what is your best life? I look on Instagram, I see people living their best lives on the beaches of Tulum, you know, with sand between their toes, and that's so far from my reality of just unglamorous day-to-day dailiness.

But one time many years ago, I was in the midst of some failure -- mom fail situation with one of my teenagers, and I found myself behind my locked bedroom door crying just tears of just anger, beating myself up for forgetting something that was important or -- I can't even remember what the conflict was. But as I sat there on the edge of my bed, my gaze just kind of fell down on an old journal. And that journal, in the pages of that journal, I had recorded something when my son was very small, a little two-year-old toe-headed kid, and I was pulling him in a wagon. And we rattled down the sidewalk and I heard his little voice pipe up and he said, "Mom, you're the goodest mom I ever seen." And when I read those words from so long ago, "goodest mom," it suddenly just gave me the freedom to stop trying to be that perfect mom and to be able to accept my failures and the ways that I disappointed myself and others and just aim at just being the goodest mom.

And I've used that idea of just being the goodest, to be a good daughter, to be a good worker. This world needs good leaders. We need good friends, we need people to live into their goodest lives. When we are struggling and competing to be the very best, you know, inevitably we're going to be disappointed. Only one person can be best at a time and then they're knocked off the top of the hill. But when you work at being your goodest self in whatever role you find yourself in, man, there's a lot of just freedom and beauty in that. You're free to accept your limitations and your imperfections and just lean into being that goodest part of yourself, to just do what is right in the moment, what you know to do.

And so being your goodest self, again that's embracing that inner donkey, that shabby slow part of ourselves, you know, that we sometimes want to just keep hidden and don't want people to necessarily see. But, man, that's where the good stuff is.

Jennifer Rothschild: Man, what an encouragement. I love this. This is just making me want to really read your book. And I know our listeners feel the same way, and we will definitely have a link to it on the Show Notes.

But we'll get to our last question here. You just alluded to it, our inner donkey. So for our last question, in just a very practical way, can you tell us, like, when this podcast ends, how do we unleash our inner donkey?

Rachel Anne Ridge: Oh, I want you to give yourself permission to just be a donkey in a race horse world. Let the race horses do their things. The shiny, the flashy, the fast, the ones that get the spotlight, that's fine. But you don't have to do that. You can just get off that endless loop of competition and live into your own strengths and unique abilities that God has given you to mark out your own trail, your own path. Perhaps your path is on some rocky, mountainous, difficult places. That's fine. You're made for that. You are strong, you're resilient, and you're resourceful. You have grit. You have just enough stubbornness to keep going when it's difficult. That's what I mean when I say embrace your inner donkey. Just embrace that journey that's before you and you will find that God has such meaningful work for you to do. There is joy, there is rest. And that's what The Donkey Principle is all about. It is that freedom to just be who we are created to be, to follow the path that we are destined to be on, and to find that sense of meaningfulness that we're searching for. That's where it's at.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, I for sure have an inner donkey, a literal one. I am way too stubborn for my own good sometimes. My inner donkey, it just might need to chill out sometimes. But y'all, let's be honest. I love her principle that when we release our inner donkey, we find freedom to be who we are created to be, and we're able to follow that path that God carved for us and find meaningfulness in our work. Good stuff.

K.C. Wright: Good stuff. And again, I want her book. I bet it's on Amazon. Anyway, I know you do too. So go to your Show Notes now at 413podcast.com/263 to get a copy. And as always, we're actually giving one away.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

K.C. Wright: So you can enter to win at Jennifer's Instagram @jennrothschild, or we'll have a link to Jennifer's Insta. Plus a complete transcript of this conversation if you want to print it out, if you want to study, if you want to share it with a friend. Plus there's a link to buy Rachel's book at 413podcast.com/263.

Jennifer Rothschild: That's right. You don't need to go to Amazon. You go to the Show Notes.

All right, our people. This was great today and we're so glad you spent your time with us. We value you, we value your time. So remember, until next week, you can release your inner donkey because you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. I can.

K.C. Wright: I can.

Jennifer Rothschild: And you can.

All right, K.C. You know what I also am a sucker for on Amazon?

K.C. Wright: What?

Jennifer Rothschild: Their Daily Deals. I buy so much stuff I don't need.

K.C. Wright: Well, and then you get on there and they will give you your history of things you've purchased --

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

K.C. Wright: -- and you realize you're out of this stuff, and so you --

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. Or out of control.

K.C. Wright: -- you click, click, click. And at my age now, I'm taking more responsibility for my health, so I've been buying a lot of vitamins.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, there you go. All right. Well, way to go, you.

K.C. Wright: Well, anyway, it's an issue.