Motherhood comes with lots of stuff — joy, laughter and stress! And, motherhood comes with one thing every mom gets and no mom wants… guilt!
One thing it does not come with is a rewind button! We can’t rewind and redo what we regret. But, that’s okay, sister.
We can do something to prevent some of the regret.
We can rethink.
When you find yourself in a stressful mom moment with your kids, you can ask yourself these three questions really fast. Thinking through these questions can make a huge difference in how you move forward.
I tried to summarize them into easy phrases you can remember in a moment of hair-brained frenzy! (Because the moment of crazy chaos or conflict is when you need to pause and ask these questions the most!)
- Immediate or Ultimate?
Am I reacting to the immediate? Or, am I responding to the ultimate?
The immediate may be one kid hitting another, the dog running through the house with Play-Doh in his mouth, or a sugared-up toddler wielding a juice box as he climbs all over your couch.
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In other words, if you don’t think about it, you can react to the immediacy of a situation and, consequently, overreact to your kids. But, if you respond to the ultimate, you are reacting less to a situation and more to a soul. Your kids’ souls. That is the ultimate goal of parenting, isn’t it? We want to nurture and shape the souls of our kids.
- Absorb or Observe?
Am I absorbing the stress and emotion of this situation when I should simply observe it?
Sometimes, we moms get so wrapped up in situations that we take on all the emotion and stress. And, most often, it isn’t our stress and emotion to take on.
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When we observe, we can better, objectively, coach and assist. When we absorb the situation, we become as useless and emotional as the one we’re trying to help.
- Transmit or Transform?
Do I really need to transmit my disapproval to my child, or should I transform my attitude instead?
Not every moment in parenting has to be a full blown James Dobson worthy teachable moment. Some moments are just to be experienced. Just because we aren’t happy with our child’s choice doesn’t mean we must express it at that moment.
Sometimes, instead of transmitting our disapproval, a more powerful choice can be to transform our attitude. It is interesting how kindness does lead to repentance. (Romans 2:4)
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When we transform our attitude, we are not tolerating a wrong in our children; we are often preventing a wrong action in ourselves. Often transmitting our disapproval without really considering our tone or timing does more damage. But, when we transform our attitude, it cleanses our hearts and makes the parenting process about our kid’s hearts and not our pride.
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Lord, please give me a vision for my ultimate goal for my kids. Help me to respond to their souls more than the immediate situations I encounter. Help me to take a step back from the craziness and just observe it rather than become a part of it.
Transform me, Lord. Make me a mom who can rest in You. Amen
Question: How do you handle stressful moments with your kids? Please comment below.