4:13 Podcast: Can I Take Back My Time? With Christy Wright [Episode 185]

Christy Wright: Life balance is not doing everything for an equal amount of time like we often feel pressure to, it's about doing the right things at the right time. That's possible. And believe it or not, when you do that, you will feel that sense of balance you've been looking for. But it's not because you did everything perfectly or you had this perfect even 50/50 split, it's because you identified what matters to you and you did that. And that led to peace and confidence and actually enjoying your life, which is a huge deal in our world where people are weighed down by guilt.

Jennifer Rothschild: Do you ever feel like you just don't have enough time and you can't figure out how to get everything done? Well, according to today's 4:13 guest, it doesn't have to be this way. Author and business coach Christy Wright says that finding true life balance is actually possible. On today's episode, Christy is going to reveal the main reasons that we feel out of balance and how to strip those reasons of their power. And she's going to lay out a path to balance that's going to eliminate distractions and help you focus on what really matters. So you know what time it is? It is time to cut out what doesn't matter, prioritize the things that do, and take back your time. So, K.C., here we go.

K.C. Wright: Welcome to the 4:13 Podcast, where practical encouragement and biblical wisdom set you up to live the "I Can" life, because you can do all things through Christ who strengths you. Now your host, Jennifer Rothschild.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, hello, our people. Welcome back. So many of you show up week after week after week with me and K.C., and we are so grateful.

K.C. Wright: Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: If you're new to us, I'm Jennifer. I'm just here to help you be and do more than you feel capable of as you live this "I Can" life. And you know by now it is two friends, one topic --

K.C. Wright: And --

Jennifer and K.C.: -- zero stress.

K.C. Wright: With chocolate.

Jennifer Rothschild: With chocolate. And --

K.C. Wright: Send some now.

Jennifer Rothschild: And a little bit of allergies going on, K.C. I can hear it in your voice just a little.

K.C. Wright: Well, I've got that deep, deep voice --

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes, you do.

K.C. Wright: -- because of Satan's dandruff, which I call pollen.

Jennifer Rothschild: That's funny. You know what I call sugar? The white devil. It's funny how we, you know, make everything -- we animate everything towards Satan when it's negative.

K.C. Wright: That's right.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right, people, here's the thing. We are talking today about a topic I desperately need, because I'm always searching -- just like I'm searching for the perfect swimsuit, searching for the perfect pair of jeans, I am searching for the perfect time management system. Always. But, K.C., I know you do something on Sundays to help you with time management.

K.C. Wright: I do.

Jennifer Rothschild: What do you do?

K.C. Wright: Three questions to answer on Sunday --

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay. What are they?

K.C. Wright: -- to start your Monday on purpose. Okay? Just three little things. And I've got these just in my head here that I've done for years. Okay?

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay.

K.C. Wright: Because how many of you know that your week goes better if you do a little planning on Sunday night? It just does.

Jennifer Rothschild: It does. I've always done that. And our children -- well, my youngest son especially used to always do that.

K.C. Wright: Right.

Jennifer Rothschild: It helps.

K.C. Wright: Ellie, I'm so proud of her, my little eleven-year-old, she'll lay her clothes out for the next day and different things like that. So back to starting your Monday on purpose.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, three questions.

K.C. Wright: Number one, what is the one thing I need to learn this week?

Jennifer Rothschild: Oooo.

K.C. Wright: Number two, what is the one thing I need to do this week? I mean, you're going to have a To Do list that goes from here until Christmas.

Jennifer Rothschild: Right.

K.C. Wright: But what is the one thing you really need to do this week, right?

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay.

K.C. Wright: And number three, who is the one person I need to connect with this week?

Jennifer Rothschild: Oooo.

K.C. Wright: Because there's always one --

Jennifer Rothschild: There is.

K.C. Wright: -- right?

Jennifer Rothschild: Right.

K.C. Wright: So there you go. Make Mondays matter.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay. And that's good too, K.C. Because sometimes I'm such a task-oriented person. I love people. I truly love people. But sometimes I overlook them because the tasks seem so urgent. So for me, asking that third question is super important. And you know what? I'm glad you set us up with that. That's really helpful and I think it sets us up well for what we're about to experience. Because I'm telling you, Christy Wright, this conversation, oh my goodness, so much practical and even intuitive time management techniques. But they're not about learning to get more time, which is fascinating. And I'm not going to give you the spoiler alert. But it's not about making yourself get more time. She really has a beautiful way of living balanced. So let's start to hear from Christy.

K.C. Wright: I can't wait to hear this. Well, the Bible says so much about redeeming the time.

Jennifer Rothschild: Exactly.

K.C. Wright: And who knows, Christy could be a distant cousin. My Grandma Wright had 16 kids.

Jennifer Rothschild: Right. Y'all are like -- you're practically cousins, I'm sure.

K.C. Wright: I mean -- I'm going to say, let me just introduce you to my cousin, Christy Wright. She is a number one best-selling author -- we're so proud -- personal growth expert, and host of The Christy Wright Show. She's also the founder of Business Boutique, which equips women to make money doing what they love. Christy helps you build confidence, strengthen your faith, and become the person God created you to be. This, like Jennifer said, is going to be so good. So pull up a chair, there's room at the table for you. Listen in to Jennifer and Christy.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right, Christy, this is such a timely subject because the people in my world, including me, can feel a little bit overwhelmed and overscheduled. So I want to start with the dreaded B word: balance.

Christy Wright: I know. We have so many feelings about that word, don't we?

Jennifer Rothschild: Don't we? I mean, it conjures up guilt and desire and -- oh, it's so mixed up. So I'm wondering, is it even possible, or is it a myth? So what do you think?

Christy Wright: Here's the interesting thing. So in ten years of being a Certified Business Coach and helping people with business, the number one question I'm asked is not a business question, it's this question: How do you balance at all? And what's so ironic, Jennifer, to your point, is we've got all these feelings. You get eye rolls and groans and like, "Oh, balance is BS," or, "Balance is not possible." You know, it's juggling balls and walking the tightrope and spinning the plates and all the analogies. And regardless of our mixed feelings about it, we can't stop talking about it.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Christy Wright: And we always use that word. And so that's the reason I put that specific tagline on the book. I didn't want to talk about it differently, I wanted to reclaim this word and say, "Hey, I think it's possible, but I think we need to redefine it." And I think that we need to come up with a practical path to pursue it. Because these analogies of juggling balls -- and some balls are rubber and some are glass --- and walking the tightrope don't really help me manage my Tuesday. And so I wanted to redefine the word and then show you a very achievable practical path to achieve it. So the way that I redefine this word and reclaim it in the book is life balance is not doing everything for an equal amount of time, like we often feel pressure to, it's about doing the right things at the right time. That's possible. And believe it or not, when you do that, you will feel that sense of balance you've been looking for. But it's not because you did everything perfectly or you had this perfect even 50/50 split, it's because you identified what matters to you and you did that. And that led to peace and confidence and actually enjoying your life, which is a huge deal in our world where people are weighed down by guilt.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, I love that. Doing the right things at the right times, that's the definition basically, right?

Christy Wright: Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Jennifer Rothschild: And you mentioned, then, a path. So in your book I know you give four main reasons that we feel out of balance. So before we get to the path to balance, let's talk about the reasons that we feel out of balance. I guess it's doing the wrong things at the wrong times, maybe? I don't know. Give us the four reasons.

Christy Wright: Yeah. And some people may identify with one of these more than others. But the very quick overview is -- the four causes of what gets us out of balance or keeps us from doing the right things at the right time, number one, you're doing too many things. Number one, you're -- or number two, you're not doing enough things. That's the opposite problem. And in our world of high-driving people, someone might listen and go, "Oh, I can't relate to that." But honestly, some people do. If you're an empty nester, if you're newly retired, if you're in a season where all of a sudden your world has shifted. All of us felt this last year in the pandemic where we had all this time and we thought -- at first it was fun, and then we kind of got worse. So number one is doing too many things. We're just trying to cram too much in and, of course, we're exhausted.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Christy Wright: Number two, we're not doing enough things and we don't have outlets to show up for and pour into.

Number three, we're doing the wrong things. And these are things that are not important to you. You're doing them out of guilt or obligation or you're just getting sucked into things that you don't really care about. And as long as you spend your time in your one life on things you don't care about, you're going to feel as if something's not right. Because it's not right. You're doing things that don't matter to you, and that leads to you feeling out of balance.

And then the fourth one is slightly different, not doing the right thing. Meaning you have things that are important to you, you have things that you value, that are your priority, that are life giving, that give you energy, and you don't spend time on them. And as long as you spend your one life and you don't incorporate these things, again you're going to feel out of balance because you're not doing what's right for you.

So in my new book "Take Back Your Time," I don't tell you what you should be doing. What I do is I ask you questions that help you figure it out for yourself, help you figure out for yourself what's important to you and what matters, and then I show you how to do that. And so I think life balance looks different for everyone. And what I want to do is I want to help you define and pursue your version of balance, which is the only version that should matter to you anyway, it's your life.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. So I'm curious. And this question may not have an answer because it may be as individual as the person, but in the broad principle. Just because something isn't important to you doesn't mean it is not important. So how do you parse that?

Christy Wright: Well, you kind of put it in these two buckets, so -- or let's say three buckets. And I'm just processing this out loud with you. But there are things we all have to do -- they're important -- but we don't want to do them. Changing diapers, paying taxes. Like, we all got to do it, but we don't want to do it. And while that is a very real reality that we have to spend some time on, our schedules and our To Do list are more in our control than we are willing to admit. Often we make it seem like everything we have to do, and really in reality there's maybe like 5 to 10 percent of things we have to do.

Now, I do want to encourage people. Let's say that when you walk through this exercise, like when I get really tactical helping you put things on the calendar, and you identify that you spend a lot of time doing something that you hate -- like let's say a full-time job that you hate -- it's draining, it's toxic, it's whatever. Then I don't encourage you to walk out of that job tomorrow, obviously, but you do need to make a mental note and go, "Hey, this is my life. I need to start coming up with a different strategy. I need to start looking for jobs. I need to start networking and consider that I could do something that actually brings me joy and also earn an income."

So when you go through some of these exercises, you may not be able to flip a switch and fix it immediately, but that awareness can be very powerful as you realize, "Hey, this thing that I spend a lot of time on drains me. I dread it. It's stealing my joy, it's affecting other areas of my life, maybe I should start to work on a plan to change that part of my life." And so that's a very tactical aspect.

Then, of course, you have things that you might not want to do, and they're season specific. So you've got some things that are hard about your life, but it's just a reflection of the season that you're in. Let's say, for example, you're taking care of an ailing parent. And that's really hard. It's heartbreaking, it's physically exhausting, it's emotionally exhausting, takes a lot of time. Well, it might just be that you're helping that parent recover from a surgery or a procedure, and it's like, "Hey, for these three months this is hard, but this is right. "

And so we all have things that we -- may be hard or we don't want to do. Some of them are just realities of life, like taxes and diapers; some of them are season specific; and some of them we can change, like a job that we hate. And so I help people identify the differences and control what you can control and then find ways to have the strength and grace to get through those difficult seasons.

Jennifer Rothschild: That's really good. I love how practical that is. And what you're sharing with us, I think, is helping to broaden our mindset and have a clearer understanding. Because I think sometimes when we feel overwhelmed and when we think everything is equally important, well, when everything's equally important, then nothing becomes important. And we just cram, cram, cram, and we're the ones who end up just drained on the side of the road with no balance at all. So I'm loving how you're kind of redefining and explaining this. And so it's clear -- you know, whether you had written this book or not, we all knew this: We need it, we want balance. But what you're describing is exceptionally desirable.

So in your book I know you give us a path to balance. I believe you give five steps. I would love it if you'd go through those five steps to balance.

Christy Wright: Yes. Yes, let's do it. So the definition and the thesis of the whole book is life balance. It's doing the right things at the right time. And when you do that, you will feel the sense of balance you've been looking for. So the next question is, "Well, how do you do that?" Well, because balance is one of these elusive topics, it's kind of this shadow that haunts us. We don't know what balance is, we're just sure we don't have it. I wanted to not only define it, I wanted to show you practical actionable steps to achieve it in your life. So let's go through what those are. And it's very memorable, very easy to adjust.

Jennifer Rothschild: Good.

Christy Wright: Number one, decide what matters. If you're going to do the right things at the right time, you need to know what's right, and even what's right specifically for you right now in this season. And maybe it's different than what was right for you in the spring or the summer or five years ago. What's right right now? So decide what matters.

Number two, stop doing what doesn't matter. And I help you identify what those things are for you. What are those distractions? What are those things that are stealing your time that you don't really care about that you might be losing time to? And you'll find when you stop doing things that don't matter to you, you'll free up a lot of time for those things that do, that you identified in step one.

Step three, super tactical, create a calendar that reflects what matters. So we live by our calendars. People even say that, "I live by my calendar."

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Christy Wright: You put doctors' appointments, soccer practices, flights on there. Why? Because you don't want to miss it. But then we're confused when the things that matter most to us don't happen. Well, they don't happen because we did not put them on the system we've chosen to live our lives by. So whether it's reading a good book or going for a walk or a date night or time alone or an early bedtime, put it on your calendar. Research shows you are almost 50% more likely to do something if you write it down. And that means putting it on this system that you check multiple times a day to know where you're supposed to be and what you're supposed to do. So put that on your calendar, all those things you identified in step one.

And then step four is to protect what matters. So even if you create a great schedule, quickly life and everyone else will push you around, give you field trips, great opportunities. "Oh, we really need you," "We don't have a soccer coach for your kid's soccer team."

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Christy Wright: So you've got to protect what matters by setting boundaries and saying no. And I help you strengthen those muscles and those skills so that it gets easier over time.

Jennifer Rothschild: Good.

Christy Wright: And then step five, be present for what matters. Because even if you create the most perfect schedule in the world, if you're not present for it, you miss it.

So step one, decide what matters; step two, stop doing what doesn't matter; step three, create a calendar that reflects what matters; step four, protect what matters; and step five, be present for what matters. If you follow these five steps in any new season, where you go back to step one at the beginning of a new season and go, "Hey, what matters now?" What matters in the summer? What matters in the fall? What matters now that my kids are back in school? When you follow this path, you will always be doing the right things at the right time. And the great news is you get to decide what's right for you. You will be creating your version of balance in any new season, and that's really powerful.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, yeah. Christy, I love that. I love how practical it is and I love that the emphasis is always on what really matters. Because so much we invest in really doesn't matter, you know. As a constantly recovering perfectionist, I can tell you there's so much I've invested in that just doesn't matter.

Christy Wright: Right.

Jennifer Rothschild: One of the things that struck my ear, and I would love your opinion on this, just basic advice. Number four, I believe you said protect what matters. Creating boundaries. I think saying no -- in fact, I've got an email in my inbox right now that I need to say no to. Because I thought I had already said no, but clearly I wasn't clear to the person who asked me, so now I have to once again craft a no for this person. I don't like that because I love pleasing people.

Christy Wright: Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: What do you say to the people pleaser who needs to give a firm no with kindness? How would you advise that to happen?

Christy Wright: Well, I love that you use that example, because literally yesterday I experienced this. I sent a screenshot to my team and I said, "Man, I'm getting good at my no muscle." So let me just -- literally I just pulled this up. This is on my phone. I'm reading it. This is a text I got from a wonderful person for a wonderful opportunity. So let's just go ahead and say this. These are good opportunities --

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, yeah. Right.

Christy Wright: -- from good people. It's not even that it's a bad thing. It's just not the right thing for us right now, or it's not a priority, which means you need to say no. And so we've got to get good at this. Okay, here's the email I got. And I love it because it was very assertive. Or it's a text. I'm sorry. It's very assertive. It's like, "Hey, you may have seen in my recent emails that we're hosting a lunch this Sunday at this time." Are you ready for this? "I hope you'll make every effort to join us. You can RSVP here." I love that it was so kindly aggressive. You know what I mean?

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

Christy Wright: And then it had the link to RSVP. Here's my response. I said, "Hey, this week is book launch for me, and two of our three kids' birthdays, so we aren't taking any other commitments right now. I hope it goes great." Now, here's what's beautiful about my response. And it's not that I'm an expert at this, it's just that I teach it and it takes a lot of practice. If you'll notice, I never even said the word no.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oooo.

Christy Wright: I never said no.

Jennifer Rothschild: Right.

Christy Wright: I very politely declined. And so what I want people to understand is you can say no without ever saying the word. You can say no in a way that is kind and loving and honoring and respectful. You can say it in a way that's true to you. You don't have to be a jerk, and I hope you're not.

Jennifer Rothschild: Right.

Christy Wright: But this is a muscle. And if you never exercise it, that muscle is weak. It's a little wobbly. It might be a little weird and awkward at first, and it's hard at first. But the more that you exercise that muscle, the stronger it becomes and the easier this becomes for you. And so now it just becomes more effortless to come up with the words and think on your feet or deliver those emails or texts, or even in person.

So I just -- the number one thing I would encourage people to do is to practice. You can even script it out. Like, okay, if someone asks me to do something on Sunday night and I didn't have plans -- so I can't say, "Oh, I've got prior commitments." You don't have plans. You just don't want to do it.

Jennifer Rothschild: Right.

Christy Wright: I'm going to script out how I would respond to that. When I'm thinking clearly, I'm alone, I've got a minute to think, I'm going to script it out. I'm going to practice in front of my mirror, my dog, my husband, whoever. And then when that opportunity comes your way, or a similar one for something you don't want to do, what's so great is you practice and you don't feel so put on the spot. And so you're able to leverage that muscle you've exercised and deliver that line. And it's loving -- and the thing that I want to remind people, especially people that want to be people of integrity and character, you know, we think, oh, I'm just -- I can't help it, I'm such a good person, I just want to make people happy. Yeah, and...

Someone said to me one time there's a difference between doing something to be loving and doing it to be loved. And if we're honest, some of our motivation is just to earn love from others.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

Christy Wright: What would it look like for you to have the confidence to know that you can say no and you're going to be okay and they're going to be okay? Because at the end of the day, an honest no is always better than a dishonest yes. Let your yes be yes and your no mean no. And the next time you say yes, you mean it and your words actually carry weight. I want to help people strengthen that skill.

Jennifer Rothschild: Preach. Okay, that is so good and so practical and so balanced, and I love that. And when we are done with this podcast, I am going to practice it on my email reply.

Christy Wright: There you go.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right, Christy. This is so good, and I am very thankful for your book.

And 413ers, we're going to be giving one away -- and I know they will be scrambling to win this one -- but I want you to know you can get her book also.

So I'm going to end with one last question. You've been so practical, which I completely -- just completely admire. It makes it so easy. So let's end with something that you've mentioned a couple of times, our To Do list. Okay? So there's a woman out there and she's like -- she has been making a list with everything you've said, right? She is a list keeper. And like you said, we live by our lists. Okay, but hers is already a mile long, her To Do list, and she's feeling inspired right now from what you've said, but she's overwhelmed. She doesn't know where to start. So can you tell her, can you tell us, can you tell me, what do we do with our unruly To Do list? What is the first thing we can do -- when we close up here from this podcast, what can we do with our To Do lists?

Christy Wright: All right, I'm going to give you a two-part answer here. One is more inspirational and one is more informational, more instructional.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, perfect. Perfect.

Christy Wright: I'll give you the instructional first. I want to encourage you to make two lists, two separate lists. And I actually do this. I talk about it in the book. The first list, these are the things that you want to get done most. They are actual priorities. They are urgent, important, time sensitive. For example, I need to decorate for my daughter's birthday party we're hosting Saturday by Friday, because the party is happening Saturday. That actually has to happen. So those are the things on any given day you check in with yourself and go, "Okay, what do I want to get done most?" These are going to be three to five things. Three to five, not 35. Three to five things that you want to get done most. And so that forces you to actually prioritize what you want to get done most.

For all those other ideas that pop in your head -- because we all know they do. Oooo, I could reorganize my attic. Oooo, I can make homemade cookies for everyone in my neighborhood -- all of those ideas, I want you to just capture those on a separate list that's like things I could do later if there's time left over. And what this does by separating things that are actual priorities, or just ideas that pop in your head, is it gives you permission to never do those optional ideas. It gives you permission to discern what you actually need and want to get done priorities, but then still capture those fun ideas that if you are just inspired on a Saturday afternoon and you happen to have some time left over -- which never happens to any of us -- but if it does, you can tackle one of those ideas on your separate list. So that's the instructional piece. I want you to discern what you actually have to do and want to do most from all those ideas that are just worked in there and confusing you and distracting you. That's the instructional piece.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay. Good.

Christy Wright: The more inspirational piece that is also very true that I want women to understand: You are not your productivity. You are not how many tasks you check off. You are more than that. And you are worthy and valuable if you don't check a single box. Because what I want people to remember is that the black hole of insecurity in you cannot be fixed by doing more. You are a rat in a wheel, and no matter how many boxes you check, it will not fix that nagging feeling inside of you that you have to earn your love and worth and acceptance. And I want to challenge you to have a day or a week where you do nothing and sit with yourself and be okay with you and love and appreciate yourself in rest, in a lack of productivity. And I think that that can be some powerful work that we all do, because many of us pride ourselves in what we get done, and so much so that we find our identity there. And your identity is not in your To Do list. And so I just want to encourage you to do some deep work there and know that you can do nothing and you are okay.

Jennifer Rothschild: You are not your productivity. Man, I needed to hear that. I mean, I know it's true, of course, but I get sucked into that lie that I am what I do. But you heard what she said, your identity is not in your To Do list. Your identity is in God.

K.C. Wright: That statement will set someone free. Oh, my. What hit me was when she said that life balance doesn't come from getting more done, it's about doing the things -- the right things at the -- hello -- right time. And that leads to peace, not exhaustion. So those are wise words from a wise gal, and I, for one, am taking them seriously. So I so needed this podcast today. I think I'll listen to it again.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah, I think it's worth listening to again or getting her book. I feel the same way. She really redefines what balance is.

So I know you want her book. Actually, I know you need her book. So, K.C., they can win it, right?

K.C. Wright: You can win it. Go to Jennifer's Insta profile @jennrothschild to enter to win. Or you can go to the show notes right now at 413podcast.com/185 to get hooked up with her book and her website.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. She's got a lot to offer. She really does have a lot to offer. So check her out. And until next week, our dear people, remember, you can take back your time, because you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. I can.

K.C. Wright: I can.

Jennifer and K.C.: And you can.

Jennifer Rothschild: You know what, we have a clock at the lake, when we go to the lake, and it's on the wall there at this place we stay, and it says, "Lake Time" in the middle and it has no hands. Isn't that awesome?

K.C. Wright: Oh, man.