4:13 Podcast: Can I Stop Chasing Happy and Pursue Purpose Instead? With Phil Waldrep [Episode 177]

Phil Waldrep: Where I find myself writing this sentence, "I would be happy if," and I finish the if. And I look at it because we want to fill it in with clothes or people, relationships or, you know, boy, if I had a million dollars, I'd be happy.

Jennifer Rothschild: The world wants you to believe that a person, a product, or a lifestyle can bring you fulfillment. Even as a Christian, it's easy to fall for these empty promises and find yourself frustrated when they don't deliver. So how can you experience soul deep peace that endures beyond the sugar rush of earthly distractions? Well, on today's podcast, bestselling author Phil Waldrep will help you find the meaning that God wants for your life. As you examine the principles of Christ-like joy, you'll discover the unique purpose that God gave only to you. Plus, Phil is going to give you three habits that you can start even today that will brighten your outlook and lift up your spirit. So what in the world are we waiting for? K.C., bring on the happy.

K.C. Wright: Welcome, welcome to the 4:13 Podcast, where practical encouragement and biblical wisdom set you up to live the "I Can" life, because you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Now, your host, a woman who makes me happy for sure, Jennifer Rothschild.

Jennifer Rothschild: Hey, welcome. Jennifer here, just to help you be and do more than you feel capable of as you live this "I Can" life of Philippians 4:13. It is through Christ's power in us that we say "yes" and "I can" to anything that we face, to be who he's called us to be and to do what he has called us to do. And that's what we're going to talk about today. But before we started, K.C. and I were talking about happiness, the meaning of happiness. And, K.C., you Googled it.

K.C. Wright: Oh, yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: And did you even count the results?

K.C. Wright: No. There were too many results. Too many.

Jennifer Rothschild: There's so many definitions of it, let's just be honest.

K.C. Wright: Right.

Jennifer Rothschild: But every time I think of happiness, I think of this quote. It's by an author named William Bennett. "Happiness is like a cat. If you try to coax it or call it, it'll avoid you. It'll never come. But if you pay no attention to it and go about your business, you'll find it rubbing up against your legs and jumping into your lap." I just think that is so true.

K.C. Wright: Hey, I got one. Speaking of happiness quotes, I have one by Oscar Wilde. "Some cause happiness wherever they go, some cause happiness whenever they go." Hallelujah.

Jennifer Rothschild: That's so true. I know those people.

K.C. Wright: Oh, yeah. We've all got a couple in our lives. And here's another. I don't know who said this, but I like it. Don't you love quotes by anonymous?

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes. Anonymous can say a lot and get away with it.

K.C. Wright: "Money can't buy you happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable."

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, that's good.

K.C. Wright: Okay, one more. I don't know who said this one either, so don't judge me. "Happiness is like a cloud. If you stare at it long enough, it evaporates."

Jennifer Rothschild: That's kind of interesting. Okay. Well, then, of course, I've got some dead author happiness quotes to share with you. Okay? Okay, I'm going to start with Marcus Aurelius. He said that, "The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts; therefore, guard accordingly and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and unreasonable nature." How about that?

K.C. Wright: Okay.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right? Okay, here's another. This lady is dead. She's not an author, but she is dead. Okay. I wonder if you'll even guess who it is. Okay? She said, "I have learned that the greater part of our misery or happiness is determined not by our circumstance, but by our disposition." You know who that was?

K.C. Wright: Who?

Jennifer Rothschild: Martha Washington.

K.C. Wright: Oh.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay? That's interesting.

K.C. Wright: That is.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right, a few more, a few more. George Orwell. He said, "Happiness can exist only in acceptance," which I think is interesting. Thomas Merton. He said, "When ambition ends, happiness begins." And then Aristotle. He said that, "Happiness depends on ourselves." And last one. Okay, last one, Benjamin Disraeli. He said, "There is no happiness without action."

K.C. Wright: Okay.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right. So there's a way diverse understanding of happiness right there.

K.C. Wright: Well, this can make your head spin. I guess happiness is the absence of striving for happiness. And I'm glad Phil Waldrep will deal with this accordingly today.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

K.C. Wright: All right?

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes. Amen.

K.C. Wright: We loved him so much when he was here before, and this will be just as good, so let me intro Phil. Phil Waldrep is the founder and CEO of Phil Waldrep Ministries, host of Women of Joy. Also he is an awesome, awesome man of God who hosts men's conferences, building up leaders and equipping nearly 60,000 annual attendees in the knowledge and love of Christ. He speaks at churches and conferences all across the United States, and today he is talking about his new book, "Stop Chasing Happy: And Start Pursuing Your Purpose."

Jennifer Rothschild: I love that title.

K.C. Wright: Oh, man. Knock It out of the park title right there.

Jennifer Rothschild: Count me in.

K.C. Wright: I'm in for -- I'm reading this. So get ready to get inspired with Phil and Jennifer. Here we go.

Jennifer Rothschild: Phil, I'm just so happy to have you back on the podcast again. I loved it, our listeners loved it when you were here last time, and I'm really happy we get to talk about this new book. So I want us to start with this: We're promised -- anytime we go online or turn on the TV, we're promised that we're going to be happy if we buy this or look like this or wear this or do this -- you know, you get the idea -- and it results in a completely unhappy, dissatisfied America. So I'd like you to start with this: What's missing? What's the problem?

Phil Waldrep: Well, thanks, Jennifer. And it's always fun to be with you. And Debbie and I consider you and your husband, Phil -- whose name I can always remember -- two of our favorite people in the whole world. But you're right. And many times when we look online or we watch television, people are telling us, you buy this, you do this, you'll be happy. Or we look at other people and we think they're happy, so if we just duplicate what they do, then we're going to be happy. And the reality is we are searching for happiness. And what I discovered is happiness is a byproduct of our relationship with the Lord. And we'll get into that. And even deeper than just a relationship with the Lord, people say, "I have a relationship with the Lord but I'm not happy." And we'll talk about why. But really, happiness is a byproduct. It's not something we seek. Because as long as you seek happiness, it'll always be like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Everybody told you it was there, but as you get closer and you get closer, all of a sudden it gets further and further away. And if you happen to get to the end of the rainbow and you discover there's no pot of gold and so you're disillusioned. And I found so many people that I've met who have come to the point in their life that they're spending everything every moment, all their money, everything, trying to be happy, and then there's other people who have come to the conclusion, "I can't be happy," so they just kind of go through life. And I think both is not healthy; neither do I think either one is scriptural. Because I think as believers, we are called to rejoice in the Lord. Happiness is a byproduct of finding our purpose. And so that's what I want people to know. You can try all the products, you can do all you want, but you're never going to find lasting happiness until you find the reason God created you and you do it.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay. Well, then that kind of leads me to this. Because what you're saying is pursuing happiness just absolutely doesn't work. But we do have this drive in us, this desire to believe the promise, because we have this drive in us to be satisfied, to feel that depth satisfaction. So if we're not chasing happy, what is it that we're pursuing? Is that our purpose?

Phil Waldrep: Well, if we're going to find something to pursue, we find our purpose. And purpose starts with a mission. And I use an illustration a lot, and I think it's real simple for anybody to understand. Now, I'm going to use -- you know, being a man, I'm going to use a football team. But it could be a softball team, it could be whatever you want. But let's think for a moment about a football team. Everybody on that football team has the same mission, whether they're the coach, whether they're the quarterback, whether they're the linebacker. Or even if they're a fan, everybody has one mission, and the mission is to win the football game. That's their mission. Now, with that being said, the purpose is different. I mean, what the coach does is different from what the quarterback does, what the quarterback does is different from the water boy or water girl, it's different from what the fan does. Everybody has a different role, but it's all the same mission. Now, as believers, we are all called to glorify God. And we hear that word "glorify" a lot. Glorify means to magnify, to draw attention to, or to put a focus upon God. That's what we're called to do. And most of us understand that. So we understand the concept is no matter what our purpose is, our mission is to glorify God. But in order to achieve our mission, we have to find our purpose. God created every single one of us for a reason, and the devil is always trying to tell us that the reason is different from what God wants us to be. Because we look at other people and we say, "Wow, you know, if I was like Jennifer Rothschild, I would be" -- and we have a long list. But yet, God may not have called someone to be a speaker or a writer like you are. God may have called someone else to have a purpose, and it may not even be in front of people. I met a lady, one of the truly happiest people I think I've ever met in my life, and I asked her -- I mean, this lady was just overflowing with joy. And I asked her what was the source of her joy, and she told me. She said, "I found my purpose in life, and I'm doing it and I'm loving every moment. So I was waiting for some big, you know, company" -- and I said, "Well, what is your purpose in life?" And she looked at me and she said, "I have a physically and mentally challenged brother. And I realized after doing so many other things, that God had designed for me to glorify him by caring for my brother."

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, wow.

Phil Waldrep: And she said, "It's not grand, I don't get any applause, nobody is having me to be interviewed." She said, "I saw that for so long. But when I started caring for my brother, all of a sudden the happiness that I pursued" -- she said, "It's work, sure. It's times when it can be flustering. But," she said, "you know, deep down I found the joy." And she did because she found her purpose. And remember, the devil always wants to tell you there's another purpose for you other than purpose that God has designed for you. So the mission I tell people is to glorify God. But then what role do you play? Because your role is very vital in the Kingdom of God.

Jennifer Rothschild: You know, this may be too difficult -- or not difficult, but complicated of a question to ask, but I'm just going to try and see what you say, because this makes so much sense. So we're getting that our mission is to glorify God. How do you know what your purpose is?

Phil Waldrep: There are two or three things that I tell people. You know, purpose is a little bit like -- and I'm going to give you some answer to that question. But your purpose is a little bit like falling in love. If you've never been in love with someone, I mean, like, romantically in love, it's a little hard to describe to somebody how you know when you're in love. Well, your purpose is the same way. But here's where I tell people to start. I believe God gives us a passion when we find our purpose. Whatever our purpose is, there will always be a passion that goes with it. Now, I didn't say we would always enjoy every moment, but we just have this passion about trying to see it accomplished. So I always tell people, start by asking yourself this question: What is it that I do that I lose all sense of time? I mean, where I'm like, "Oh, my gosh, where's the time go?" You know, when I go to the dentist, every minute seems like an hour -- okay? -- because it's not pleasant. I don't enjoy it. I don't think most people do. But, you know, when I'm writing or I'm speaking or I'm with a group of people and I'm able to minister to them, literally my wife sometimes has to pull me away because I lose all sense of time. Why? Because that's my purpose. That's what God is calling me to do. Then the other thing I discovered was ask some friends, ask five friends who will be totally honest with you: "What am I good at?" And, you know, start by telling them, "Look, I'm asking you to be totally honest with me. I'm not asking you to brag on me. Just tell me what you really think is the one thing that I excel at better than anyone else." And if you can get five friends to tell you that, you might be surprised that four of them, or maybe all five, will even list the same thing. You know, some things are obvious. I'll give you an example. When I was a teenager -- most people who know me now, they really laugh when they hear this. But when I was a teenager, I was the part-time music director at our little country church. Now people laugh because they've heard me sing. I cannot carry a tune. Okay? So I thought, well, maybe God's calling me to be a singer. Well, I asked five friends. All five were in agreement, that's not what God's calling you to do. They were honest. So I think we just start by asking those -- where's the passion? What things has God given me that I love to do? What do I do that causes me to lose time? What am I good at? Because whatever God's called you to do, he's gifted you to do --

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

Phil Waldrep: -- and that purpose and finding it. And once you find it, it's a little like falling in love, you'll know it.

Jennifer Rothschild: What a great -- you de-complicated that answer. And what I appreciate is those three different options you gave, because you may be one of those people who's gifted a lot of things. But if you don't have a passion for all of those things, that's a good clue as to where God's leading you, what your purpose is. That's very helpful, Phil. Another thing I'm curious about with the subject of your book, in Christian worldview lots of people delineate between the difference between happiness and joy. So what I'm curious is your opinion. Do you see a difference? And if you do, which one is it that we want, and why?

Phil Waldrep: Well, normally we have made a difference. And here's what generally we have said. And there's some truth to it. We often say happiness is dependent upon our circumstances and joy is dependent upon our relationship with the Lord. Well, I think there's truth to that. But one of the problems we have when we say that to people is we almost make joy something that we have to endure. It's almost like I grit my teeth and say, "You know, I'm not happy, but praise the Lord I'm joyful." Well, that doesn't translate. Because in Scripture, that distinction is not always made as clearly as what we think. Now, here's what surprises people. Nowhere in the Bible are you told to be happy. Nowhere are you told to be happy. Here's another one. We're told to rejoice in the Lord, which is a decision, and we talk about the joy of the Lord, but nowhere in the Bible are we distinctly told, "Now, get out of here and go be happy. Get out of here and go be joyful." The reason is because we can't just set our head, "I'm going to be happy regardless. I'm going to be joyful regardless." No. I think in some ways they interreact and try to make a difference. But what I discovered is when you know your purpose, the result is the joy of the Lord in your life. So no matter what comes your way, you can have the joy of the Lord. I have this real good friend named Jennifer Rothschild. I'm talking to her right now. And I've heard you share, Jennifer, when you lost your eyesight. I mean, you know -gosh, I have thought, you know, how do you be happy? You know, how do you rejoice in the Lord? But I sit here today, and I know that because -- not that I was happy you lost your eyesight.

Jennifer Rothschild: Sure.

Phil Waldrep: You know I would never say that.

Jennifer Rothschild: Right, right.

Phil Waldrep: None of us would do that. But because you knew your purpose, that you were to be a speaker and a writer, God has given you a unique platform to stand before people. And no matter what people are going through, they can say, wow, that's pretty rough. And you know the joy doesn't come from being able to see -- even though I'm sure you would love to see -- it doesn't come from being able to speak or to walk or any other physical ability, it comes because we're geared to what God's called us to do. And so the joy is a byproduct; it's not the goal. The goal is to glorify God. That's our mission. And so it's like, Lord, I don't understand why this is happening to me, but I'm going to glorify you through it. And if the mission is right, you find your purpose and you go for it.

Jennifer Rothschild: And what you just said, too, about my story, it was the difficulty, the heartache, the loss, the blindness that God used to help reveal my purpose. And so I think that's an important thing for us to consider, too. But when you also reiterated again that our mission is to glorify God, that is a completely non-self-centered activity. And when you look at life and you look at people, you realize the people who are the least happy are the most self-centered. When we're so selfish, when it's all about us, we're just not happy. So if we can keep our mission straight, there's going to be an automatic propensity just toward the joy and the happiness when it's not necessarily all about us.

Phil Waldrep: Absolutely.

Jennifer Rothschild: But speaking of all about us, living in America, you know, we've got a tendency toward that culturally. And we get it kind of honestly because we're told we have this right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. So I'm curious, what do you think, were the Founding Fathers off on that one?

Phil Waldrep: You know, there's a story right after the Declaration of Independence was made, somebody actually asked Benjamin Franklin and said, "Mr. Franklin, where is my happiness that you promised?" And he said, "We did not promise you happiness, we promised you the pursuit of happiness." And I think that's interesting, because I think the Founding Fathers knew that nobody could give you happiness. I think they knew that there has to be in your heart -- now, they would call it a pursuit of happiness. But I think if you dig deeper -- even to our Founding Fathers, they knew you got to find why you're in this world and go for it.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah, yeah.

Phil Waldrep: And that's really what I think they were thinking. And one of the things, Jennifer -- I meant to mention this a moment ago. We were talking about your loss of eyesight. One of the things -- when I researched about happiness and about finding your purpose and it gives you happiness, one of the books of the Bible that I went to was the book of Philippians, because we think of that as the book of the Bible where there's joy.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, yeah.

Phil Waldrep: But it's interesting in the opening part of that book that Paul is explaining to the Philippians why he is in jail in Rome. Now, if I read that -- I've read that so many times. And then as I was reading it, it occurred to me, wait a minute. Paul came to Philippi long before there was a Philippian church. And he preached the Gospel, some people came to know the Lord, and he was put in jail. And guess what? God sent an earthquake and set him free. Now he's writing to the Philippians. And I'm sure if I was a Philippian, I would have been sitting there saying, "Well, Paul, why isn't God sending you another earthquake?" You know, "Paul, why aren't you free? I mean, have you sinned? What's wrong?" But when you read his opening lines in Philippians, Paul said, "The reason I'm in jail is that the Gospel might be shared and God may be glorified." Earlier God was glorified by sending an earthquake. Now God was glorified by leaving him in jail. But see, Paul knew his purpose in life was to share the Gospel. He knew his purpose was to establish churches. And because of that, whether he is being freed by an earthquake or whether he's sitting in a jail cell, he knew he was going to glorify God because that was his mission. So he didn't get upset about his circumstances. And a man sitting in jail and sitting there literally chained night and day says to people, "Rejoice in the Lord. And again I say, rejoice. Paul simply said, I'm not all disturbed about my circumstances because I know my purpose. And even though I'm sitting here in jail, my purpose is to share the Gospel and see people come to know Christ. And he even said, I'm so excited because -- guess what? Some of these Roman guards that have to sit here all day, we just sit here and talk and I share the Gospel with them. And some of them have come to know the Lord, and they're even in Caesar's house. So Paul said, you know, when you know your purpose -- and he knew his purpose -- it doesn't matter what your circumstances are. Oh, sure, Paul would love to have had an earthquake. But even sitting in prison, he still did it. And so that's the key I think people have to understand in their life. If you're glorifying God and you find that purpose, you know -- hey, missionaries who are on a missionary field and they're being persecuted, you know, are they happy? I think deep down they are. And not because they're happy about what's happening, but they're happy because they're fulfilling their purpose, and happiness is a byproduct. Joy is a byproduct of doing your purpose.

Jennifer Rothschild: This is such a great paradigm shaker-upper. It really is. Because we will -- often when we're feeling the need, the loss of whatever it might be -- you know, I have friends, we like to run to the store. Oh, my goodness, if I just had a new pair of jeans, then I'd feel a little better today. And it's such a sound reminder that it's about the mission and the purpose, and then the joy and the happiness come. But let me ask you this. And this will be our last question. I want to end really practical, though you have been super practical already. I would love just some habits. What are some daily habits that someone could start even today that would just help their outlook and uplift them spiritually?

Phil Waldrep: Well, I think you start in talking about happiness by writing on a piece of paper -- and believe it or not, I do this on a regular basis. I wouldn't say daily, but a regular basis -- where I find myself writing this sentence: "I would be happy if," and I finish the "if." And I look at it because I -- we want to fill it in with clothes or people, relationships or, you know, boy, if I had a million dollars, I'd be happy. Well, if that's the case, why aren't movie stars happy? They're not happy. And so you start by doing that. The second thing is, have that daily time with the Lord. I know that sounds so old school, but it really helps. Because, you know, it's a little bit like the quarterback checking with the coach. You know, "Coach, what play do I run today?" "What is it you want me to do today?" And every day part of our purpose, how we apply it may change a little bit. So you spend that time with the Lord. And then the third thing is once you know that, set some goals. I know we've heard that so many times. But to say, you know, I want to do this and I want to do this and I want to do this, but doing it because I want to achieve the purpose that I have. Just before we started this interview, I saw a friend as I was coming into this building -- and she actually is someone I've known for a long time -- and she searched for her purpose for a long time. And she finally found it -- because she had a desire to help women in unwanted pregnancies. And she had done so many things. And when she began to say to the Lord, "Lord, I'm open wherever you want me to be," she became the director of our local Sav-A-Life and now she's getting to live her dreams. That's another way of saying it. If you want your passion, living your dreams, but making sure that your dreams glorify God. So every day ask yourself, "I'd be happy if." And if it's anything other than your purpose and your passion, it's not going to satisfy. And then ask the Lord every day in your time with him, "Lord, today how are you going to use my purpose to glorify you?" Set some goals. "Lord, here's what I think you want me to achieve, and we'll go from there." And as you start living out your purpose, you're going to find joy.

Jennifer Rothschild: You know, he is so right. If you fill in that blank with anything other than your mission and purpose, you're just not going to be happy ever.

K.C. Wright: And he said it. We think it's old school, but really spending time with God is breaking news, the latest headline. It is the thing. It's the one thing we most need. Because when we spend time with Him, he does guide us to our purpose.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. And that last thing that he said about setting goals, you know, I remember when I was a little girl -- and those of you who know I'm blind, I didn't become blind until I was 15. So when I was a little girl, I could see fine. And I remember there was this bulletin board in one of my classrooms, and it said, "If you aim at nothing, you will hit it." So I say let's be some goal setters and let's just take in what Phil has shared with us. This is really some good, good stuff today.

K.C. Wright: Oh, so good. You will want to check out his book. And you can actually win one on Jennifer's Instagram right now. Just simply go to @jennrothschild on Instagram to enter, or simply go to the show notes at 413podcast.com/177 -- that's 177 -- to get the book and to read the full transcript. So this is an episode you'll definitely want to share, and we thank you in advance for doing that. Send it to that person who's on your mind right now. That's the Holy Spirit telling you to share this podcast. They need to hear it just as much as you did. All right, our people. We love you and we want you to know this deep down in your soul. Remember, whatever you face, however you feel, nothing is bigger than your God, and you can do all things through him. You can do all things through Christ who gives you supernatural strength. I can.

Jennifer Rothschild: I can.

Jennifer and K.C.: And you can.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

K.C. Wright: So good.

Jennifer Rothschild: The whole --

K.C. Wright: You know what sparks joy? Go ahead.

Jennifer Rothschild: Sorry. We just talked about un-hurrying ourselves and we just talked over each other. Okay. But I was going to say, I kept thinking of this song when I was a little girl. "Happiness is" -- did you ever learn that song?

K.C. Wright: No.

Jennifer Rothschild: "To know the Savior, living a life within his favor, having a change in my behavior." I hated that line as a little girl.

K.C. Wright: Ohhh.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. "Happiness is the Lord."

K.C. Wright: Ohhh.

Jennifer Rothschild: Isn't that fun?

K.C. Wright: I love it.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. I think I was probably six years old.

K.C. Wright: Ahhh.