4:13 Podcast: Can I Live Well in My New Now? With Nicki Koziarz [Episode 243]

Nicki Koziarz: Transition is one of these things that can really sneak up on us. And if we don't prepare for where God is taking us from here to there, we can really miss what he's trying to teach us right here and right now.

Jennifer Rothschild: In the space between no longer and not yet is the new now. And when we find ourselves in a transition, we can ask questions like, "What am I supposed to do now?" or, "Why do I feel so lost?" Well, if a new direction doesn't come, it can feel like you're stuck in a cycle of purposeless days. No good, right? Well, today author and Bible teacher Nicki Koziarz is going to help you find direction for today by shedding light on the types of seasons a transition can bring. Plus, you are going to get some practical encouragement and some biblical wisdom to help you live well on the road between what was and what is about to be. It is some good stuff today, my friend, so settle in and let's go.

K.C. Wright: Welcome to the 4:13 Podcast, where practical encouragement and biblical wisdom set you up to live the "I Can" life, because you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

Now, welcome your host, Jennifer Rothschild.

Jennifer Rothschild: Hey, there. Jennifer here to help you be and do more than you feel capable of as you live this "I Can" life of Philippians 4:13. Me and K.C. are in the closet. We're so happy --

K.C. Wright: Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: -- that you are with us today. You make our day better.

K.C. Wright: Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: It is -- we usually say this -- two friends --

Jennifer and K.C.: -- one topic, zero stress.

K.C. Wright: And thank you for all the kind reviews.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, I know. Haven't they been great?

K.C. Wright: I mean, our hearts give you a standing ovation. It really means so much.

Jennifer Rothschild: It does.

K.C. Wright: Because it's not about us, it's about you. But every time you leave a review, it helps us reach more people with the "I Can" life.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yep, it sure does. It sure does. And we all need to be together once a week for some zero stress.

K.C. Wright: That's right.

Jennifer Rothschild: K.C. --

K.C. Wright: Yeah?

Jennifer Rothschild: -- I could tell when you walked in --

K.C. Wright: Oh, sister.

Jennifer Rothschild: -- you definitely needed --

K.C. Wright: I need some counseling and prayer. I need some hands laid on me.

Jennifer Rothschild: He definitely needs the zero stress.

K.C. Wright: Oh.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, go ahead. He started to tell me this story, y'all, and I said, "No, no, no, no. Save it. Save it." We got as far as the big new bed. So describe for them your big new bed. Okay?

K.C. Wright: Okay. I'm pushing middle age here, and I've never had a new bed. Never. I've always had a hand-me-down or somebody else's or I found a sale or whatever. But I invested in this brand-new bed. I mean, it's a King's bed. Actually, that's what it's called --

Jennifer Rothschild: King's bed.

K.C. Wright: -- a King's bed.

Jennifer Rothschild: Ooh. Okay.

K.C. Wright: I mean, it's got -- I can charge my phone on the side of the headboard. I mean, with a touch, just with a touch on this headboard, it turns my lights on my headboard.

Jennifer Rothschild: Ooh.

K.C. Wright: I saved for this bed. I spied it out at Sofa Mart and I went in. I went in and got it. I claimed the land.

Anyway, so I have this new bed frame, these new mattresses. It's a beauty. It was a birthday gift to myself back in September. So I then went and bought all the comforter and the sheets. And I love white. I wanted everything white in my bedroom, right? You only find rest in one place, in your bed.

Jennifer Rothschild: In your bed.

K.C. Wright: Right?

Jennifer Rothschild: That's right.

K.C. Wright: That's right. You have to prepare to sleep. We won't go there.

But anyway, I have two animals in my house, a rabbit named Leo and an Australian Labradoodle named Brennan.

Jennifer Rothschild: We talked about Brennan last week. If you didn't hear that episode, my people, you need to go back and hear about Brennan's hormones. But anyway, go ahead. Yes, we know Brennan.

K.C. Wright: The only reason I have either one of them is because of my 12-year-old daughter, Ellie, who these are her animals that I take care of. And every parent said Amen.

Jennifer Rothschild: Amen, yes.

K.C. Wright: Okay. She wanted another dog for Christmas.

Jennifer Rothschild: No way.

K.C. Wright: Oh, yeah. Let me pray about it; God said no. Okay.

Anyway, Brennan's allowed throughout the whole home -- he owns everything -- but he's never allowed in my bedroom.

Jennifer Rothschild: Especially now with a new bed.

K.C. Wright: Exactly. Well, anyway, last Friday, Jenn, I somehow left my bedroom door open, and I came home to a smell that smacked me in the face. It just smacked me. I walked in and I'm like, surely, is that the trash? You know, you start doing an investigation.

Jennifer Rothschild: Right.

K.C. Wright: Not the trash, not the sink. Oh, it's my gym bag. No, none of those things.

Well, I plopped in bed like you do when you get home, kick off your shoes and you're scrolling, and that's when I looked to my left and I saw -- as far as my wondering eyes should appear, I saw explosive diarrhea.

Jennifer Rothschild: No! No!

K.C. Wright: Explosive diarrhea all over my bed.

Jennifer Rothschild: Your white comforter?

K.C. Wright: Everything was covered.

Jennifer Rothschild: Wait a minute. So that dog --

K.C. Wright: I can't even...

Jennifer Rothschild: -- made the effort to climb up to your bed --

K.C. Wright: Yeah, while I was gone.

Jennifer Rothschild: -- to have diarrhea? He couldn't just do it on the carpet like --

K.C. Wright: He -- well, first of all, he's totally potty trained. But I'm telling you, he wanted to mark this.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, wow.

K.C. Wright: In his sick mind, he said, I own the whole place, but I'm never allowed in here in the King's bed. I'll show him who's the king of the house. And explosion. Explosion.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, my gosh. Okay, this is horrible.

K.C. Wright: Anyway, I'm telling you -- and every parent relates -- I went to a dark place. I went there. And, unfortunately, my daughter saw it, and she may need counseling later. But I said, "Eliana, get in here." I went cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. And I did not hurt the dog --

Jennifer Rothschild: Of course not.

K.C. Wright: -- and I did not cuss.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay. Those are two real successes in this moment.

K.C. Wright: But I did take his collar and gave him the left foot of fellowship out of the Wright homestead and he stayed outside for a long time. And it was cold, very cold.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, my gosh.

K.C. Wright: Anyway, I took all four corners of this beautiful comforter set and walked right out my front door and placed it in the trash can.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, you didn't even bother to try to clean it?

K.C. Wright: Oh, heck no. That wasn't going into my washing machine. Oh, no.

Anyway, I went weeks without even paying attention to that dog. Weeks. Yeah. So anyway...

Jennifer Rothschild: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is awful. But at least your beautiful bed frame didn't get affected, and your expensive mattresses didn't get --

K.C. Wright: If there had been one little critter that leaked onto my mattress, we would have been driving to Arkansas. I'm just kidding.

Jennifer Rothschild: Delivering the dog to a field where he could commune with nature.

K.C. Wright: No, I would never do that. Because honestly, Brennan's my -- you know, we love our animals. These animals become our children, right?

Jennifer Rothschild: Of course. Of course.

K.C. Wright: But I still am in shock of why he did this.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, my gosh.

K.C. Wright: This cute little thing ruined -- I mean, honestly, I felt like what have I done in life to deserve this?

Jennifer Rothschild: Dog parent failure.

K.C. Wright: I mean, it was horrible.

Jennifer Rothschild: I'm sorry, K.C.

K.C. Wright: It was horrible.

Jennifer Rothschild: That is the most awful story, but it makes me laugh.

K.C. Wright: Oh, yeah, you have two choices: you laugh or you cry.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes, exactly. I'm just impressed you didn't cuss or kill the dog, really. Let's just all proclaim success on that.

K.C. Wright: And then after I cleaned it all up, Ellie and I were sitting on the couch and I was just having a little talk with her afterwards. I go, "Ellie, I dare say, I don't care how spiritually strong you are. I don't even know how Billy Graham would have reacted to what he just saw -- what I just saw in my bedroom," right?

Jennifer Rothschild: That's right. That's right. Okay, that's awesome, y'all. See what I mean? That story was --

K.C. Wright: That's real life.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes, that was real life. And, unfortunately, there's probably a lot of dog owners out there who are relating right now. So you might have just set a really good example for them, K.C., the way you handled it.

K.C. Wright: Right.

Jennifer Rothschild: Ooh. Okay, people, we have no transition. We're not even going to try. We are just going to now welcome Nicki to the conversation, because Nicki Koziarz is going to calm this thing down for everybody. All right, so let's introduce Nicki.

K.C. Wright: Nicki Koziarz is a best-selling author of several books and Bible studies, as well as a speaker with Proverbs 31 Ministries, and is the host of the Lessons From the Farm Podcast. She and her husband, Chris, run a small family farm just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina, which they affectionately call -- I love this -- the Fixer Up Farm.

Now, let's join Jennifer and Nicki as they talk about Nicki's new book titled "Your New Now," perfect for this new year.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right, Nicki, I'm so glad you're with us. And your latest book, it deals with these in-between seasons of life, you know, that space between what was and what is eventually to come. So tell us what you mean by your title, "Your New Now."

Nicki Koziarz: Yes. So here's the problem. We're really great at looking at the past, and we're really good about looking at the future. But we are not good -- and when I say "we," I mean us as women in particular. We're not really good about learning to really understand where we are right now in our seasons of life. And transition is one of these things that can really sneak up on us, and if we don't prepare for where God is taking us from here to there, we can really miss what he's trying to teach us right here and right now.

Jennifer Rothschild: It's that concept of being present where we are, which is hard. As women, we are particularly well wired for living in the past or future casting. I know I am. So I'm curious -- anytime an author writes something like this, there's a chance she has some personal experience. So I'm curious if you're living your own personal new now and, if so, what is that like for you?

Nicki Koziarz: Yes. Unfortunately -- and, you know, I'm speaking to the queen of having to live out her messages, right?

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah, right?

Nicki Koziarz: Unfortunately, yes, I have really had to live out this process over the last few years, and this was one of these things that it really snuck up on me. I remember just a few years ago, I was looking at life and I was like, something's changing. Things are starting to look really different. And I had gone through a really hard season in my life where I had lost my mom and my brother, both to very tragic circumstances. And then we were living on -- well, and we still are. We live on this farm, and so things are constantly changing and developing out here. And I started to notice that my girls were getting older and I was having to, like, re-learn how to parent in ways I wasn't familiar with.

And I transitioned. I used to work in the Proverbs 31 Ministry's office every single day, and then I transitioned to at home and then to a completely different role. Any my husband and I also, we began the process of adoption about five years ago. And we are still in that process and we are still in transition waiting to get to that point to see the fulfillment of that assignment that God has given us. So lots of variety of circumstances. It's kind of like transition was screaming in my face and God said, pay attention to what's happening in your life right now.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. Well, tell me what kind of feelings come up with all those transitions. Is it just complete you wake up full of faith?

Nicki Koziarz: I wish. Right? Yeah. You know, I think every emotion under the sun has been in my body over the last few years. But during transition, there's two emotions -- when I was doing a lot of studying about this, there's two emotions that tend to come out the most, and it's fear and anger. Now, anger doesn't always look like us storming through the house, slamming doors, throwing stuff around, or yelling or screaming. There can be kind of an anger in our hearts that we don't even recognize about the things that are gone or that are no more or the things that we were pursuing that we didn't get. Like, that's a whole 'nother side of transition that we don't talk about either.

But there is this fear of if I really embrace where I am right now right here today, I'm going to have to feel a lot of things and -- so some of those emotions can be grief. Some of it can be loss. But there's also, like -- kind of like a holy excitement -- right? -- about what is the potential of what could be coming? What is God doing? Like, trying to figure out God is a whole situation in itself.

Jennifer Rothschild: Isn't that the truth?

Nicki Koziarz: Yeah. So just -- oh, I mean, every emotion, tears, happiness, joy, sadness, I think it's all there in transitions in life.

Jennifer Rothschild: It's so interesting. Sometimes, you know, the transition itself is difficult, but the emotions that are all attached to it can be what complicates it. And I thought it was super interesting, Nicki, you did a survey. Okay? And so let's talk about that for a minute. Because you surveyed lots of women who were going through different seasons of life and you asked about their life changes. So I'm curious what you discovered. And you may have just addressed it, like the feelings that they had in common, even when their actual transitions may be different. Like, you might have a new baby and an empty nest. Are the feelings similar? What'd you discover in your survey?

Nicki Koziarz: Yeah. So this was shocking to me because -- you know how sometimes we're like, I just need to find someone in my own season of life that I can relate to?

Jennifer Rothschild: Right.

Nicki Koziarz: And the thing that shocked me is as I was digging through these answers -- I surveyed hundreds of women and I asked them about the various transitions that they were in. So what I found was the woman who was going through a divorce was experiencing the same emotions that a woman who had just had a baby or a woman who had just become -- went from a stay-at-home mom to a working mom, to a woman who was retiring. I mean, they were such a variety of seasons of life, but yet the emotions and the feelings were exactly the same. They even used some of the same language that each other used in different seasons. It was fascinating.

Jennifer Rothschild: That is fascinating, because, you're right, it's counterintuitive. We think we need to find somebody in our own season. But I guess transition in and of itself, whatever it is, has an accompanying set of emotions.

And our fear and anger, you said those were the two biggest. When it comes to what we would call positive emotions, what were those? Was it anticipation?

Nicki Koziarz: Yes. A lot of anticipation, a lot of hope. There was a lot of hope in those answers when we asked them, you know, like, "When you look into the future, what do you see?" And I will say that those were a lot of the groundings, was hope, anticipation.

There was also this ability -- I can't quite -- you're way better with words, Jennifer, so maybe you can think of a good word for this. But, like, the ability to dream again, you know?

Jennifer Rothschild: Ooh.

Nicki Koziarz: Because sometimes our season of life has us just, like, in survival mode. We're just like, go, go, do, do, do. But then we get to this place where it offers us a place to dream a little bit with God, and that's a beautiful part of transition.

Jennifer Rothschild: Ooh, it is. I can't think of one word to express that. I think you expressed that beautifully. And that is one of the gifts of transition.

One of the things I like about your book, too, Nicki, is you build it on the framework of the four seasons of transition, which I believe are development, separation, cultivation, and then finished. So I would love for you to go through those four seasons and explain what they are.

Nicki Koziarz: Absolutely. So in order for us to understand these seasons, we need to understand something about kind of the anchor of this message. So God led me to study Moses in the Bible when it came to this idea of understanding transition, and how to do it well was really what I was struggling with. And, you know, God is so faithful to show us people in His Word that we can get behind and learn some really important lessons. And so Moses is so fascinating. Because other than Jesus, he is the only one in the Bible that we could study in detail, to the extent that we can, from birth to death his life. And there's so many comparisons between Moses and Jesus, I mean, it's just a beautiful thing.

So these seasons came from the sniffing out of the Scripture study that I did. And I realized that God took Moses through these four different seasons, and then I realized we go through four different seasons in life right here on earth -- most of us do anyways -- and so I put this into kind of a comparison between Moses and what we experience.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay.

Nicki Koziarz: So the first one is development. And this is one of the hardest seasons I think that we go through because it can kind of feel like you're getting plowed over by something. So when I think about development, I think about the way that a new neighborhood goes up. It's pretty quickly, right? They go in there, they clear the land, and then the houses are up within a matter of weeks sometimes.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Nicki Koziarz: And so development can feel really fast, or sometimes it can feel painfully slow. It's kind of one of these things like, "God, how many times are you going to let me go around this mountain before we conquer it?"

And then transition season number two is a season of separation. And this is a very painful season for a lot of people in transition. You can think about it from a mom who is sending her kids off to college, or even to kindergarten for the first time; to a woman who's experiencing a divorce or someone who has lost a friendship; or, you know, kind of on a positive side of transition, someone who went from working in one position and is now in a totally new department and is not around the same people that they felt comfortable with. Even in churches -- right? -- sometimes God separates us from a church we've been a part of and we enter into a new church for a variety of reasons, and so that can be a really hard season to transition well through as well.

And then this is my favorite transition season. It's the season of cultivation. And this feels most of the time -- at least for people with personalities like me, this feels really exciting. Right? It feels like God is doing something new and you're growing, you're experiencing new things, and change doesn't feel hard. Like, it feels exciting. But there can be a really hard side to cultivation of, you know, not really knowing what God is growing you for, what he's changing you for, and kind of the mystery behind that.

And then transition season number four can be a really hard season as well. It's the transition season of finish. And a lot of people struggle to know when I -- when I'm -- sorry.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah, when?

Nicki Koziarz: When am I finally in that place of finishing a season in my life. And I talk in the book about how sometimes we hold on to seasons too long. And God is saying you're finished and it's time to move to the next assignment, but we want to just stay there. And so it can be hard.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, I agree with that, it is very hard, especially for the people who are very loyal or people pleasers or just want to serve God, and it's hard to understand that sometimes finishing something is the way you serve God. That's hard. I'm curious -- and you may not have seen this in the life of Moses, but I'm just curious your opinion. Let's say you do finish a season. You've gone through those four transitions, you finish a season. Then do they kind of start over? Once you finish, are you in the development phase again, and then separation?

Nicki Koziarz: Yes. And so here's the thing. These seasons don't go in order like the earth does. Unfortunately, you can find yourself going from finished to cultivation or from cultivation to separated. Like, God, he's doing something different in each of our lives.

The other thing, Jennifer, is that you can find yourself in more than one of these seasons at once. Okay? So that can be a little bit tricky as well, trying to figure that out. But we help you do that in the book, and it becomes a little bit more clear to know kind of where you're at and what God is trying to teach you right here, right now, and then preparing you for what's coming next.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, and I know, Nicki, you have a great resource on your website to help a person determine what season she's in. And I'm going to make sure we link to it in the Show Notes, and I'll mention it again at the outro. But tell us where we can find that resource. So a woman who's scratching her head right now trying to determine what season am I in, when she's done with the podcast, she can go where to figure that out?

Nicki Koziarz: Yes. So we created an assessment for you, and it's on nickikoziarz.com. And if you click under "Freebies," it'll pop right up. It's called the "Which Transition Season Are You In?" assessment. It's a really simple quiz that you go through, and it can just help you discern which season that you're in right now.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, good. I'm so glad you've done that. Because I know as people are listening, they're like, okay, which am I in? And I'm glad you mentioned that it can feel like or even be true that you're in two at the same time, which is super helpful. This is really good. I'm grateful for your book. I think it's going to be super helpful to all of us.

But I'm going to get to our last question, Nicki. In your book, you write that daily acknowledgement of where we are can help us stop holding on to the past -- which is really important -- or it helps us stop fearing the future and learn to embrace our now. That sounds like freedom to me. So here's my question. Very practically, Nicki, how do we do that? How do you do that, how would you coach our 413'ers to be able to do that, to embrace the new now?

Nicki Koziarz: Yes. So I encourage you to take the assessment, first of all. That will really help bring some clarity about where you're at and potentially where God's taking you next. But I think what we need to do is we need to stop and look around life. And just as like here in the United States, when the seasons change, we start to notice some things outside, right? Like, I'm looking out my window right now when we're recording this, everything looks so dead. It looks so sad. It's so depressing. But I know in a couple of months it's going to look different. Right? And so look around your life right now and start kind of sniffing out, like, what's looking different? What am I feeling unsettled in? What are the questions that I'm starting to ask about? You know, what's coming next for me? Am I going to stay in this place forever? Is there something different that God is leading me into? And pay attention to those seasonal clues.

Now, Jennifer and everyone listening, here's the most beautiful thing about God. Okay? God works in seasons. We see it all throughout the Scripture. And so just because one season of your life is ending or transitioning, it doesn't mean that God doesn't have something even better on the other side of that next season. And so get your hopes up. Like, become really expectant about where God is leading you to this next place in your life, but learn to embrace where you are right now, right here today, because there's something valuable that God wants to teach you and show you in this season you're in right now.

K.C. Wright: You can embrace where you are right now because God right now is embracing you here today, in this moment. He holds your past, he holds your future, and he is holding you right now.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well said.

You know, K.C., I loved how Nicki explained these seasons of transition. And I know you enjoy that also, y'all, so go to the Show Notes at 413podcast.com/243 to find out what season you are in. Because we're going to link you to that assessment that she mentioned so that you can figure that out. And, of course, you want to get her book so that Nicki can kind of walk you through whatever season you find yourself in.

K.C. Wright: We are actually giving one of her books away like we do.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

K.C. Wright: You know how we like to do that. And you can win one right now at Jennifer's Instagram. You've got to follow Jenn on Instagram. Inspirational messages every day that speak right to your heart. But today you can win a book there. Simply go to @jennrothschild on Instagram, or we'll get you there at the Show Notes. The Show Notes are at 413 podcast.com/243. And you'll also find a transcript of this entire conversation, plus all things Nicki.

Jennifer Rothschild: All things Nicki.

K.C. Wright: Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right, dear ones. We love you and we appreciate you, so just remember whatever season you are in, you can embrace it because you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. I can.

K.C. Wright: I can.

Jennifer and K.C.: And you can.

Jennifer Rothschild: And now can we take a love offering for K.C. to get a new white comforter?

K.C. Wright: If we could start a GoFundMe for a brand-new comforter set --

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. Or diapers for Brennan.

K.C. Wright: -- I would appreciate it. Oh, yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: I think you need diapers for Brennan.

K.C. Wright: Or a new home for Brennan if he ever does that again. If he ever does that again.