4:13 Podcast: Can I Find Purpose in My Next Season of Life? With Shayne Moore and Carolyn Castleberry Hux [Episode 220]

Carolyn Castleberry Hux: Women face an identity crisis when they hit midlife, and many men do as well. But the who am I now? Who am I now that children have left the nest or this job has ended or a relationship has ended? So it's a very deep soul journey that is a little bit different for women and men.

Jennifer Rothschild: Are you feeling aimless or confused as you face a new season of life? Well, if that is you, it is time to start dreaming again. You are about to find a new source of energy, significance, and joy for your next season. Authors Shayne Moore and Carolyn Castleberry Hux know from experience how difficult it can be to navigate the second half of life territory. So on the 4:13 today, Shayne and Carolyn will give you the building blocks for getting unstuck and finding renewed joy and purpose in the second half of life. So watch out, world, here they come.

K.C. Wright: Welcome to the 4:13 Podcast, where practical encouragement and biblical wisdom set you up to live the "I Can" life, because you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

Now, welcome your host, Jennifer Rothschild.

Jennifer Rothschild: Hey there. I'm Jennifer, here to help you be and do more than you feel capable of as you trust God with everything, with all the things, and know that you can do all things through Christ, through his strength.

We're in the podcast closet again, coming back at you one more week. And I'm so glad many of you are with us every week, and we are so thankful that you've joined us. Before we started this podcast, one of the ladies from our office, Gretchen, popped in here and she was reading us some emails from you --

K.C. Wright: Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: -- and they were so kind.

K.C. Wright: I was encouraged.

Jennifer Rothschild: I know you were. Yeah, K.C. said, "I want to record every day because I need the encouragement." We're often in an encouragement deficit. But you know what, the -- I don't mean you and me personally are always in an encouragement deficit, I mean the world --

K.C. Wright: Right.

Jennifer Rothschild: -- lives in a constant encouragement deficit. So you just need to say it. Even if you think, well, they know. No, they may not know. Or even if they know, they may not feel. So we need to tell.

K.C. Wright: Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: Be encouraging to each other. And I think in this conversation we're about to have, you're going to detect some of that, why that's important. Because sometimes we can feel kind of adrift, you know, aimless. We don't know if what we're doing is significant, or maybe what we're doing has changed, and we're like, well, what do I do now and where has my significance gone? Y'all, it is a thing. So let's be part of being encouraging to each other. It really is oxygen for our spiritual souls. It really is.

So we're going to talk today with two ladies. Y'all, I enjoyed this conversation so much. These women are fascinating and smart. And I believe whether you're a man or a woman, whether you are in the first half or the second half of your life, the principles that they address apply to all of us. So we will get to this conversation with Shayne and Carolyn. K.C., why don't you help us meet them and know who they are.

K.C. Wright: Shayne Moore is the author or coauthor of five books, including "Ending Human Trafficking: A Handbook of Strategies for the Church Today." Shayne served as Director of Operations at the Humanitarian Disaster Institute at Wheaton College Graduate School. She taught the course on anti-human trafficking for Wheaton's Master of Arts program in humanitarian and disaster leadership. Her book, "Refuse To Do Nothing: Finding Your Power to Abolish Modern Day Slavery" was named Resource of the Year by Outreach Magazine. Her first book, "Global Soccer Mom: Changing the World Is Easier Than You Think," it chronicles her work with the HIV AIDS pandemic.

Shayne holds a master of arts in theology and a certificate in the professional program in screenwriting from UCLA's School of Theater, Film, and Television. She is also an editor for Everbloom, Stories of Living Deeply Rooted and Transformed Lives. Wow.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah, wow. Like, if that's not enough.

K.C. Wright: Shayne, seriously, get a --

Jennifer Rothschild: Take a nap, Shayne.

K.C. Wright: -- get a vision.

Jennifer Rothschild: Take a nap.

K.C. Wright: You need a vacation stat. All right?

Jennifer Rothschild: I know, she's amazing.

K.C. Wright: I'm overwhelmed by your vision for your life.

Then there's Carolyn Castleberry Hux. She is a former journalist and co-host of "Living the Life" on ABC's Family Channel. She found her second half calling coaching women in halftime and teams in national security for transformational change. She's the author of several positive change books, including "It's About Time."

All right. This is going to be so good.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. These are some amazing women, aren't they?

K.C. Wright: We're talking power ladies right here.

Jennifer Rothschild: Exactly.

K.C. Wright: God's girls: Shayne, Carolyn, and Jennifer. Get ready. Let's join Shayne, Carolyn, and Jennifer as they talk about Shayne and Carolyn's new book called "Women at Halftime."

Jennifer Rothschild: All right, ladies. Before we get to your book, K.C. just introduced each of you, and it made me wonder how you both met. I'm curious. So tell us how your friendship began and how you met.

Carolyn Castleberry Hux: Oh, Shayne, why don't you take that one.

Shayne Moore: I had hit my own halftime in my life. I was trying to -- I was about to be an empty nester; I was trying to get work outside of the home. No HR knew what to do with a hybrid mom who had sort of worked from home and worked -- you know, had published books and done things, and I felt washed up. Nobody -- I couldn't give my work away.

And my husband had come to the Halftime Institute to go through their coaching programs, and he ended up not using his sessions. And so he was very tired of hearing me complain about my life and feeling very sorry for myself as a midlife woman and feeling like there was no place for me, so he actually donated his coaching sessions to me. And we talk about that in the book. Like, even that was sort of a rub to me. Like, I didn't even make it into the Halftime program on my own merit, I had to borrow my husband's coaching sessions. But all that just say God brought Carolyn into my life as my coach, and that's what changed my life and was the impetus for this book.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, that is fantastic. And we are stronger together. So I'm grateful, Shayne, that your story illustrates what we all experience. Because the first half of a woman's life, she's building, she's preparing. You know, it might be schooling, it might be growing and advancing in her career or building a family. But she's constantly working to become this, oh, I don't know, best version of herself, I guess I'll call it. But then, boom, she arrives and then she hits the midlife crossroad. The children fly to coop. Like you said, the employees start to get much younger. You feel like you've primed in your career, maybe. So here's my question. Why is it so important to launch women well into this second half of their lives?

Carolyn Castleberry Hux: Oh, what a question. What a question. And that's been the work of my life really for the second half of my life. So like Shayne, I went through my own halftime challenge and landed in this wonderful really career and ministry of being a coach and helping other women find their second half.

And I think one of the problems, Jennifer, is that, like you said, we are completely prepared, or at least better prepared for our first half of life --

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Carolyn Castleberry Hux: -- school, whatever we want to do, parenting, stay-at-home mom, and suddenly we hit this stage of midlife and there's hardly any direction or education or support, and it's just really a problem.

And the reason this is so important is because let's say you hit midlife at 40 or 50. You still have decades potentially to contribute. And you have wisdom, you have experience, you have new eyes that you didn't have when you were in your twenties, and you still have things to give back to this world. The question is, where is God calling you? You know, what is your Ephesians 2:10 calling? Which is really the premise of this whole book, and that is a promise that God has given us that you are here for a purpose and he has prepared work in advance that you would walk in them. And you're his workmanship. So women really need to hear this because we need women in our society. God's not finished with you yet.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. Yeah, wise women. But I do feel, as you just shared, that we are not quite as prepared, because it's almost like it comes to a full stop and then it's the, "Now what?" But I wonder if it's the same for men. Okay? So do you think men and women are treated similarly at midlife and experience the same thing?

Carolyn Castleberry Hux: Really interesting question. The Halftime Institute is probably about 80% men and maybe 20% women as far as clients. So coming in, I was a client, and I was their first female coach in the United States. And we sort of lumped everybody together, men and women, into one institute. And what we found, Jennifer, is that women really do have a different narrative. And where, you know, men it might be, for example, success to significance was the tagline of halftime --

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Carolyn Castleberry Hux: -- for women that was really offensive. And this book came from the cries, really, of women saying, Wait a second. I've lived this life of significance and even sacrifice, and so now you're saying that I'm going on and doing something significant? It just doesn't make any sense.

Women also -- the reason this is a little different, women face an identity crisis when they hit midlife. And many men do as well. But the who am I now? Who am I now that children have left the nest or this job has ended or a relationship has ended? So it's a very deep soul journey that is a little bit different for women and men.

Shayne, what would you say?

Shayne Moore: Yeah, I will say as we were researching and creating this book, that was something that was very compelling to both of us, was the lack of even research in, like, the social sciences, the lack of resources within the church, the lack of data on women at halftime and their needs, midlife women and their needs. And the depression rate of women at this age is the highest for women. And so we were very -- it took a long time to write this book -- it took us about two years -- and we heard hundreds of stories from women, that women have a very specific, unique set of needs at their midlife, at halftime. And we are hoping -- we believe that this book addresses that.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, I know it will. I can just tell from the conversation we're having.

And it also makes me wonder if our needs are unique as women, what about the lies? Are our lies unique? Because I think you've alluded to the result of believing lies. So I'm curious if y'all could share with me maybe some that you personally experienced or that you've seen with others, what kind of lies women believe about themselves during this midlife season.

Carolyn Castleberry Hux: Wow, you have really hit it. And some of the lies are that God's finished with you, that your best years are behind you. That is a lie. The years ahead might look different or that your most significant part of life is over. Certainly, you know, parenting or jobs change, but God has different kind of significance for you in this next stage of life. One of the ladies that I coached along the way said, "You know, I've hit my 50s, and I feel like women in my 50s in my church are just sort of put out to pasture." And I thought that's horrifying. But I found that many women feel that. Corporate women, women who are empty nesters feel like, gosh, well, I've done my best work and now I'm just being put over here.

Our bodies are changing as well, and so the idea that I am not who I was in my 20s. And I'm aging. I have gray hair, even though you can't see it because I color it still. But, I mean, all these things are happening at the same time, and we have to face down the lies that that's a bad thing and that, you know, gosh, God is not finished with you yet.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, and I guess you can't really deal with the truth until you've confronted the lies. So, Shayne, when you actually got some of this coaching, were you surprised by some of the lies that you believed, or did Carolyn's coaching just affirm it for you?

Shayne Moore: I think when you're caught in sort of that -- call it a stronghold or that cycle of self-talk, you don't identify it as lies. I mean, I believed to my core that I was done. That I had already had this great life as an author and a speaker, I'd already done -- everything great I was going to do, I had already done. And I felt like society was affirming that, I felt the church was affirming that. I mean, I could not give my work away. And I don't think that I identified it as lies until I went through the process and then -- and Carolyn and I, we outline that in the book, the "Women At Halftime" book. It's a hard process to go through. I mean, it is not easy. It is hard work. And so coaching with Carolyn, that was once a month. I would have homework. This book will give you homework.

Jennifer Rothschild: I was going to say, this book can be your coach, can't it?

Shayne Moore: Yeah, it does. I mean, if you really do it, if you really engage it, you will start to identify the lies that you're listening to. I mean, we get deep in some of these chapters where we talk about sort of foundational -- like, I tell some experiences that happened long before my halftime process, but that were still informing my identity of feeling like a fraud or feeling like I didn't belong somewhere. Or because I was a woman, particularly in the church, that people kind of thought I was there as, like, a hobby, not that I was here in the church because I had my own Ephesians 2:10 calling that God had work for me to do. And so this process absolutely helped me identify the lies that I was letting just circulate in my brain and in my soul.

And then we have a whole section on just get free, and definitely helping to get free from that.

Jennifer Rothschild: Let's know the truth, and the truth shall set us free.

Carolyn Castleberry Hux: Amen.

Jennifer Rothschild: So if a listener right now is listening to this, she's really identifying with this midlife scenario. You're actually putting a framework around something she didn't know. She couldn't name what she was experiencing, but now she's beginning to. So how does she move, then, from the crisis and the challenge of it to that sense of purpose and maybe a different kind of productivity? I'm wondering, is it a mindset shift alone?

Carolyn Castleberry Hux: You know, it really is. And you think about mindset. You can have a fixed mindset that things are always going to be the same, or you can have that growth mindset, the growth mindset that I am going to change, I'm going to develop, and I am going to mature into the person that God wants me to be.

And I think one of the traps of that, Jennifer, is that women tend to compare themselves with other women. And we've done it all of our lives.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

Carolyn Castleberry Hux: You know, we look at the woman in the pew next to us and say, Why does she have it all together and I don't? And that is something that we really encourage women to get free from. This is your life and this is your Ephesians 2:10 calling. And God has created you to be a unique person and to give back with unique talents, strength, spiritual gifts.

So as Shayne said, this really is a process. The book is work. We have great stories that go along with it. Shayne's story is featured. And we also put people to work with teaching and coaching. One thing that our fabulous publisher, Tyndale, has done has also made it very accessible for women in the churches to do this together.

Jennifer Rothschild: I love it.

Carolyn Castleberry Hux: So we have a free download and a journal with just a couple of questions for each chapter that any woman's group can do together to begin. You just download it -- it's free -- and you open with what did you learn from this chapter? Ask the questions, pray for each other, and watch the transformation begin.

Jennifer Rothschild: I love that because we do grow more quickly and more strongly when we're growing together. We need each other. We need to cheer each other on. And it's also so beneficial to know, oh, I'm not the only one. I'm not the only one.

You know, you said something a few minutes ago about one of the lies was my best years are behind me. Okay? So I'm wondering what you would say to her that believes that lie, my best years are behind me. Not just a, "Well, no, they're not," but why is that a lie? Why is that a lie that her best years are not behind her?

Carolyn Castleberry Hux: Because it's a promise of God. And the question is, do you believe who God says he is and who he says you are? So if you read Ephesians 2:10, it's very clear that God has created you to be a wonderful gift to this world, to your family, and to yourself. And not only that, that God has gone before you, he's seen your path, and he has prepared work in advance for you to do. Not just in the first half of life, but also in the second half of life. So if we actually believe that promise of God, that he's gone before us and he's prepared something for us that we are uniquely wired to fill and to achieve and to experience the joy of that, it transforms everything. So if nothing else, we hope to leave women with that message of encouragement and hope.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. And so instead of just mindlessly trying to satisfy the angst by just getting busy and doing things, I'm also hearing you say do the hard work. Do the hard work of seeing what it is that God has called you to.

And I'm curious, Shayne, after you kind of have gone through this process -- clearly your best years were not behind you -- but how did you find that new sense of purpose and feeling like, okay, I'm not washed up, I'm actually -- I've got something new to give. How did you discover that?

Shayne Moore: Yeah, that's a great question. And it really is a process, and it does take time and you have to do the hard work. And we take people through that. One of the things that fascinates me about this is that 100 years ago women didn't live -- life expectancy was like 45, 49. So women did not live an entire lifetime after menopause, after raising children. So we are at a very unique place in history as women, that we have this opportunity to live an entire lifetime longer than women before did in the history of the world.

And so I think it is -- I mean, we believe it is worth the time and the effort to go through this process of halftime to find that calling on your life. Because like you said, it's more than just being busy and filling my time so I don't feel lonely or I have some sort of sense of value. No, the whole point of the whole thing, as women of faith, is your second half calling is so that you serve God and you serve others. And I think when I got that straight in my head, that, yes, I can have hobbies, I can do all sorts of things. You know, I'm at my lake house right now. I mean, like, you -- but that specific calling on your life is because you are serving God and you are serving others with a really specific thing that he has for you to do.

And as you read in the book -- and to answer your question, getting to that thing might be a little bit like a frog jumping lily pads. We unpack it in the book. I mean, there might be times of sort of trial and error where you try something out and you're like, nope, that's not it, but now I have a new answer. Or you might, Oh, I need an adjustment here. Like, this feels really good, but it's not quite it. But yet, again, the mindset piece and how you find that Ephesians 2:10 calling, instead of being full of discouragement and self-pity, and for me actual anger at what my life looked like at 50, this process becomes fun and joyful and invigorating because -- and we cannot emphasize enough, do it with friends. Find a group of people, because -- find that tribe that has the same passion to be like, I'm living my second half serving God and serving others in my sweet spot.

Jennifer Rothschild: Well, and a happy, satisfied woman in her second half of life is a walking testimony to younger women who are watching. I just think it's not just about us. As you said, serving God and serving others. Y'all, this is super good.

All right, this will be our last question, though. I'm so grateful you've got the book so that women can go deeper, because we don't have as much time here. So here's the last question. How can a woman get unstuck -- I want you to be super practical. How can a woman get unstuck -- if she feels like this second half of life that she's in right now is aimless or dissatisfying, and she's just stuck, she's stuck with it, how can she get unstuck?

Carolyn Castleberry Hux: Yeah, we take women through a four-step process of getting clear, getting free -- you know, getting clear on who you are, your strengths, your spiritual gifts. Getting free, Jennifer, from those lies and those limiting beliefs that are holding you back. Take some time to get called. And like Shayne was saying, that might mean making some mistakes, having some failures, being in some wrong places, which -- when we were in our twenties, which was fine. Well, embrace this journey with curiosity and learning and even normalizing failure. And then finally, get going. Just like you said, get going with friends. We've made this a deep process. But we've also made it very accessible with that free download that you can just grab some friends with and go ahead and begin. Because once you begin the transformational process of change, you'll see more positive change in your life, and that's when the joy really comes.

Jennifer Rothschild: Did you catch what Carolyn said there at the end? Get clear on who you are, get free from lies, get called. In other words, figure out what you're supposed to do and then get going. And don't just do it alone, get going with friends.

K.C. Wright: That's right. We do life better together, right?

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

K.C. Wright: And like Shayne said -- this is powerful -- get honest with yourself. Be willing to disrupt and fail.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

K.C. Wright: Such great content today. This has been podcast gold.

4:13ers, you need to get their book and the free download they mentioned so you can experience this with a group of friends. Yeah. We will have all the links to their books and everything else they mentioned at the show notes at 413podcast.com/220. It will be there just for you. But hold the presses.

Jennifer Rothschild: Hold the presses.

K.C. Wright: Winner, winner, chicken dinner. We're giving one away. Okay? So go to Jennifer's Instagram right now -- she's simply at @jennrothschild -- and comment to win a copy of "Women At Halftime: A Guide To Reigniting Dreams and Finding Renewed Joy and Purpose In Your Next Season." We will also have a link to Jennifer's Instagram at the show notes at 413podcast.com/220.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yep. And you need to go there, my friends. Because here's the thing. Experiencing the discovery process is definitely better with friends, you know. Podcasting is better with friends; coffee is better with friends.

K.C. Wright: Come on. Let's go.

Jennifer Rothschild: Cleaning is better with friends. And let's be honest, midlife, it's better with friends. Everything is better with friends.

K.C. Wright: This podcast is better with you in it.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

K.C. Wright: Amen?

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

K.C. Wright: And honestly, I wish this was scratch and sniff podcast, because you should smell the coffee aroma. I mean, Jennifer's mug today, the one that she's sipping and drinking coffee out of, says, "Coffee Solves Everything."

Jennifer Rothschild: It does solve everything.

K.C. Wright: I wish you could smell this podcast studio. Oh, it's so good.

Anyway, watch out world, here they come.

Jennifer Rothschild: That's right.

K.C. Wright: The world needs wise women caffeinated, living out their purpose, no matter what half of life they're in. So go to the show notes, our friends, and get their book. You probably have a friend who needs it even, if you aren't, in their second half of life yet, right?

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

K.C. Wright: Whatever you face, however you feel, you can face it with faith because you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. I can.

Jennifer Rothschild: I can.

Jennifer and K.C.: And you can.

K.C. Wright: With coffee you can truly do all things.

Jennifer Rothschild: All things are possible with God, friends, and coffee.

K.C. Wright: There you go.

Jennifer Rothschild: I think that's in the Bible somewhere.

K.C. Wright: 2 Jennifer, Chapter 1, verse 5. Just kidding.