Do you ever choose a word for the year? I do! I pick one so I can take the whole year to learn it, live it, receive it, and understand it!
So, what was my word for this year?
Happy.
Not long after I picked that word, though, I broke my finger and my hero dad passed away. Those aren’t exactly ingredients for happiness, huh?
A broken finger was a painful annoyance, but losing my dad broke my heart. Even so, in the midst of it all, I am still learning what it means to be happy.
Before I lost my hero dad, I had no idea grief would make me feel fatigued and hollow. There were many days I thought, “I can’t do this” or “I can’t face this.”
And then, I thought about my mom.
The strength I see in my mom is beyond what I imagine possible. Dad was her best friend. For 55 years, they did life and ministry together. Now, she is alone.
Don’t you just sometimes get tired of dealing with hard stuff?!
You know … strained relationships, difficult bosses, constant conflict, illness, financial stress … hard stuff!
Our hands can droop and our knees can wobble. We can look over our shoulder and think about turning back.
On the road of faith, we all encounter “Thomas times”—bumps full of doubt. Some of us jump right over them, while others may stumble, falling into a pit of confusion. And the result … we become a Doubting Thomas.
I’ve been Thomas and I bet you have too, or you know someone who is right now.
There is no shame if you struggle with doubt. God invites your questions and wants to turn your confusion into clarity just like He did for Thomas.
Imagine what it was like for Thomas when Jesus, His Master and Friend, was crucified? The shock, the sorrow—but maybe he wasn’t simply a doubter; maybe he was a seeker … an honest seeker?
On February 18th, my whole world changed. My hero dad closed his eyes to this world and opened them to heaven.
I had no idea grief felt so much like fatigue. I didn’t know it would make me feel hollow. My brain knew what death was, but my heart was unaware that death was such a tearing—and an emptying.
Even though it’s been a few weeks, I am still stupefied by the fog I am walking through. It just feels thick and like life should be in slow motion.
My dad always told me that confession is good for the soul. Maybe … but it can also be very bad for the reputation. Even so, I’m risking my reputation with you by letting you in on a little secret.
Ready? Here goes.
I have an obsession … with the burners on my stove. I’m driven to keep them spotless and gleaming.
Now that I own a gas stove, this dysfunctional issue may not require therapy, but it wasn’t always this way. I once hovered over the burners on my electric range—the pans, rims, and surface beneath were all targets of my compulsion.
Now, before you put me on your prayer list, let me explain.
