4:13 Podcast: Can I Be the Me God Created? With Jamie Ivey [Episode 137]

Jennifer Rothschild: Hey, this is Jennifer Rothschild. You know, I love my audiobooks from Audible. That's how I'm able to read so many books in a year. If you've never tried it, you can get a 30-day free trial with no obligation. Plus, you'll get a free audiobook of your choice that you can keep. So, go to 413podcast.com/audible to get started. And now the podcast.

Making your mark on the world doesn't happen by imitating somebody else's life or calling. In fact, when you learn to be yourself, satisfaction and success are closer than you think. Today, Jamie Ivey, who is an author and the host of the Happy Hour podcast, is gonna to be here and she is going to help you uncover your own uniqueness. She's going to give you a green light to be yourself and show you how living faithfully in the here and now is the key to an abundant life. I'm telling you, my friends, this is going to be so, so good. So, KC, let's move this thing along.

KC Wright: Welcome to the 4:13 Podcast where practical encouragement and biblical wisdom set you up to live the "I Can" life because you can do all things through Christ, who strengthens you. Now, welcome your host, Jennifer Rothschild.

Jennifer Rothschild: Hey, our people, we're so glad you're here. That was KC, my seeing-eye guy, and I'm Jennifer, just here to help you be and do more than you even feel capable of as you live this "I Can" life of Philippians 4:13, and we just celebrated 4/13 on Tuesday of this week.

KC Wright: Whoop. Whoop.

Jennifer Rothschild: We celebrated our first ever 4:13 Day.

KC Wright: Throw the confetti.

Jennifer Rothschild: And it was worth throwing confetti over. It was so fun. Thank you to our friends who participated. You really started a movement and if you didn't get to be a part of it, check out the hashtag on social media #413Podcast, whether it's Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. If you will check out that, you are going to find a lot of fun pictures of your fellow 4:13'ers holding up their "I Can" signs. And if you don't know what I'm talking about there, it's not too late. You can still get the download for free of the "I Can" sign, plus the 4:13, Philippians 4:13 verse, at 413podcast.com/Ican. Every day, my friends, should be 4/13. It was a happy day. It was really fun, and I got to say this, though. Speaking of happy, you know, Jamie's podcast is called The Happy Hour, right?

KC Wright: Yeah, I love it.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, well, it was not a happy hour...

KC Wright: Uh-oh.

Jennifer Rothschild: ...at my house this week. I had to remind my husband of 4:13 because, you know, this week was also?

KC Wright: Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: Taxes.

KC Wright: Uh-huh.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes. Preparing taxes is always a stressful time at my house. And historically, KC...

KC Wright: Yes.

Jennifer Rothschild: That hour before the last mailbox in town leaves for the, you know, for the post office, for the mailing center, whatever it's called, Phil is like speeding that last hour to get there on time. It is hilarious. It's not funny. It's not funny at all. It is not a happy hour. That's all I'm saying. It's been a stressful week doing taxes at my house. Is it for you?

KC Wright: Well, we need to pray for our tax accountants. I have had the same CPAs for almost two decades. They're sisters, Sandra and Sonya, and I just mail them all my stuff. I do. I just put everything in an envelope. I mail it to them, and then all of a sudden I get these clean, crisp little things emailed to me and you just check boxes and there's everything. And so really...

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes...

KC Wright: They deserve a Starbucks. They deserve flowers and chocolates.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. You got CPA angels on your side.

KC Wright: I mean, really, truly.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, well...

KC Wright: Yeah, they have been helping me for years.

Jennifer Rothschild: That would help tax day happy for you.

KC Wright: It truly is a happy hour with me. Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right. Well, let's get to our girl who is with us today, Jamie Ivey. I cannot wait for you to meet her if you don't. But chances are you listen to her podcast, but KC why don't you introduce her to our friends who don't know her yet.

KC Wright: Would love to. Jamie Ivey is creator and host of the popular podcast The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey. She is the author of If You Only Knew and her latest book, You Be You. Jamie and her husband, Aaron, make their home for six in Austin, Texas. I really like this gal, and you will, too. So let's right now listen in.

Jennifer Rothschild: So, Jamie, I love this book, and your subtitle tells us that satisfaction and success are closer than you think. Okay, but I know there's a woman listening right now, and she's in her yoga pants and yesterday's lunch and dinner dishes are like, you know, full in the sink still. And she's feeling behind and strung out, and satisfaction and success feel like a million miles away, or at least like those qualities belong to her friend who's always put together and on top of things. So, let's start there. Why is it that satisfaction and success are closer than we think?

Jamie Ivey: Well, Jennifer, if you could see my dishes right now, you would know that they are piled up from last night as well. And so, just to that woman who we all relate to for sure, you know, you said it exactly is that feeling that someone else has it better, or someone else is more put together, or someone else is doing something with their life when you feel as though your life doesn't matter. And I, in this book and over the last couple of years, have really started to feel like, I think that we're evaluating what equals success and what equals satisfaction by a wrong standard, by a standard that the culture might tell us instead of a standard that God's Word tells us. In fact, I really believe that as a woman that I can be satisfied in the life that God has given me, in the places He's planted me, and the children He's asked me to parent, and the husband that He's put me with and my job, and my community, and my kids' school. Because that's where He wants me to be and the, you know, the dissatisfaction comes when we spend our days looking around at that woman that we think has it put together, has it better, has better everything. I think that you can be satisfied with where God has you.

Jennifer Rothschild: You know, and that's good because, I mean, we all know in our heads that that all together, put together woman is an illusion. We know that in our heads, but we still fall for that lie. And so, I love that in your book, you're encouraging women to just break out and be themselves. And so, why is it that we need to uncover what makes each of us unique, and what do we risk if we don't?

Jamie Ivey: I mean, the biggest risk is one of the scariest things for me personally is to think that I could get to the end of my life and realize that I spent most of my life wishing I had a different life because we only get one. And that feels, it feels kind of morbid to think about sometimes, you know, there's that saying, like YOLO, you only live once. And a part of that's kind of like joking and funny and, you know, do the great things. But, it is also very true that I think as a Christ-follower, that Jesus has great big plans for us, and He wants us to make Him known and bring Him glory and to tell people about Him and about the abundant life that He has to offer. And so I really, really believe that the kingdom needs all of us. And so if I believe that and I believe that God is in control of our lives, then I have to believe that I can make a difference where I am. And, I don't, going back to what I said, I don't want to get to the end of my life, the fear and the discomfort in that is that you could spend so many hours, so many hours of your life trying to be somebody else, that there's this, you missed so many opportunities for the things that God has right in front of you. And I think we as women, we struggle with that. I mean, there's comparison, there's discontentment, there's social media, there's lies coming at us from everywhere that we're not enough, that she's better, that we're not making a difference. And I want every woman to stand up to those lies and say that is not true. That's not the gospel. That's not what God is telling me in His Word.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. Yeah. Well, and God did create each of us unique, and why it is that we try to create ourselves then into someone just like her rather than just learning to be ourselves, the us that God made. I think it's interesting, you talk about this in your book. You talk about what happened when you landed your dream job because you finally just decide to be yourself. So tell us about that, because I think this is a good picture of this.

Jamie Ivey: It's a fun time in my life. And looking back on it, I can see so many ways that God was faithful to me and I learned so much about myself. It was 2011, and before we had children, I have four kids, I was a teacher and a coach. And then at this part of my life, I was a stay-at-home mom. Very honored to have that privilege because I know that not everyone has that. So I'm at home with my kids, and I heard on my local radio station, I'm in Austin, Texas, and I love country music, that they had an open casting call that anyone could apply to be an on-air morning host of the radio show that was already there and thriving. And listen, Jennifer, it's crazy, when I look back now, you may think, oh, that makes sense because you're a podcaster and you speak and all the things. At this point in my life, I need you to know I had not spoken at your microphone. I've never written a book. I had never stood on a stage. I had never done what I'm doing now. I just need you to know that.

Jennifer Rothschild: I love it.

Jamie Ivey: I just thought., I'm going to try, I'm going to try. And I was scared, for sure, because it didn't make sense. And I just went out and did it. And the longest story ever is that I ended up winning that job. So I became a morning show host when I had never spoken into a microphone before. And the biggest lesson I learned there besides the like, "Oh, take a chance," and I learned that I had gifts I never knew. Those were all great things that I learned. But fast forward four months, and three of our children joined our family through adoption, and two of them had only been home about a year, a little over a year and a half at this time. And life started to get super complicated when I was working. And I'm a working mom now, and so it's not about that. It's just at that season, I felt that I needed to go back home. And that was a hard thing for me because I also feel like I found my dream job.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah.

Jamie Ivey: I'm like, God, You opened all these doors and now I really think You're asking me to leave this behind. And so I look back at that time and think it was the hardest, best decision I've ever made. But here's the biggest lesson I learned there, Jennifer, is when I left that job, what I felt was that I had lost my voice because I felt like I found my voice when I got there.

Jennifer Rothschild: Sure.

Jamie Ivey: And then I'm like, well, now I've lost my voice, and by "voice" I don't just mean voice speaking into a microphone. I mean influence, ya know, getting to tell people about Jesus in a secular environment. God is so gracious and kind because I learned maybe one of the biggest lessons of my life is that I didn't gain or lose my voice by getting that job. But God has already put something in me, and I was just using it differently all those years. Like I was using that voice when I was a teacher. I was using that voice when I taught fifth-grade Sunday school. I was using that voice every day at home with my kids. And then He opened up an opportunity for me to use it on a larger scale with a microphone into Austin, Texas. And then He asked me, come back home and continue to use the voice. And so that's one of the lies too that women believe is like they don't get to matter or make a difference until they get this big, you know, that's also why we compare because we celebrate, you know, the same idea.

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, yeah.

Jamie Ivey: And we think, well, those are the good Christians because they have a lot of people listening to them. And man, I learned a huge lesson is that God, I was as valuable to His kingdom, behind a microphone on a country radio station, as I was at home with my four children. And that is what I want women to believe.

Jennifer Rothschild: You know, that's such a good word, Jamie. I write Bible studies, and I just did one on Haggai. And what you're describing reminds me so much, I just have to have a Bible study geek moment here.

Jamie Ivey: I love it.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay. The Jews were back in Judah, and they were building, rebuilding the temple. And so they had been in exile. And there was an older generation that had been in exile. And they had already, they had seen Solomon's temple. But then there were some people who were born in exile who'd never seen Solomon's temple. So they all get back and their rebuilding and they get it done. And it's time to dedicate and celebrate the temple and the older Jews who had seen Solomon's temple, they wept. And they wept because they were comparing it to the past glory, to what seemed bigger and better, because it was a smaller footprint, whereas the youngers were celebrating. And the point was what needed to be acknowledged and celebrated was their obedience. God told them to rebuild. They rebuilt. It may have looked different, but it was the obedience that God sees and celebrates. And so, I love your story. You didn't lose your voice. It was just communicated differently, and you were living out your calling in a different season in a different way. And I know in your book you talk about how no one else can fulfill our individual callings. We can't fulfill anyone else's and they can't fulfill ours. So, talk to us about that, Jamie.

Jamie Ivey: You know, calling is this word that I think as we grow up, especially as Christians, we're trying to figure out what is my calling in life. You know, we might go to college and then we might get married, might have kids, and we're still always asking this question. And I think that as a follower of Jesus, that we all have this ultimate giant calling to make Him known and bring Him glory.

Jennifer Rothschild: Mm. Hmm.

Jamie Ivey: So, at the end of the day, everything I do, everything we do should be filtered through that. Are we making Him known and bringing Him glory? Like there's so many Scriptures that say, this is the calling on our life. And then, you know, the thing is, as you go through life and you and I know this living a couple of decades here, is that callings they kind of fluctuate and move. They fluctuate and move. And there have been seasons in my life where I have been called to serve in different areas at different times. And one of the things that I always encourage people to do when you're thinking, "What am I supposed to do? What's my calling?" Is I say: Serve, serve, serve. Give away, give away, give away. Because it's in those moments when I have kind of let go and taken the eyes off of myself and let go of my own wants and desires and given my life away, which is what we see Jesus through the entire Scriptures, is when I have found, oh my gosh, I feel so called to this moment. I feel so called here. And then, listen, you're going to feel satisfied in that moment.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yep.

Jamie Ivey: And you're going to feel successful. And in this book, I talk about like success by culture standards is constantly shifting and changing. One minute this is successful if you have a podcast, but then you're successful if you write Bible studies, and then you're successful if you have four kids and they all love Jesus. I mean, what is success? It's always changing. And so I have decided, you know, what I'm going to strive for is not success. Although everything I do, I work to my hardest to make it the best that it can be. But at the end of the day, I need to be faithful. I need to be faithful to what God asked me to do. When you're faithfully serving Him and looking for those places that you can find your calling, you're going to be successful and you're going to be satisfied because your eyes are not so centered on yourself. You'll actually be becoming the person that God has created you to be, which is what this whole project is. You be you.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. And so, as you just described all that, I want to make sure that there's the woman listening, that she really understands what you're saying. So, are you saying that success and satisfaction are synonymous when you're following the Lord and doing the next thing He calls you to do?

Jamie Ivey: I think I am. I have felt the absolute most satisfied with my life when I'm not designed to be someone else and when I'm doing exactly what God's asked me to do. Success is this word, it's kind of scary sometimes, especially in Christian women circles. And we want to be successful. And I think success is closer than we think when we have changed the idea of what success is to being faithful to what God called you to be. Then, at the end of the day, I can say this was a success because, you know, I'll just throw out a couple of examples. Successful parenting would be I've gotten all of my kids out of my house and they all love Jesus and maybe they're all in ministry. That'd be amazing, right? But what if that doesn't happen? Am I then a failure?

Jennifer Rothschild: Right.

Jamie Ivey: But what if I switched the concept and said: I'm going to be a faithful parent, which means I'm going to faithfully love and serve and point my kids to Jesus for the rest of their life. You know, we're both podcast hosts. And so, we could say, like, okay, a successful podcast is if it has this many downloads, and you know all the things. Well, downloads are great, and we want people to listen to our shows, right? Or we wouldn't do them. But I think also at the end of the day, we can say, man, whether I get a million downloads or a thousand downloads, I'm going to be faithful to bringing shows to people that I think God's asked me to do. And so that mind shift for me, I can go, you know what? I do feel successful because I'm faithful to what God has called me to do.

Jennifer Rothschild: I so love that. What a paradigm shift. And, in our desire to serve the Lord, to please God, to love people, sometimes we can get it messed up. I mean, I know especially when I first started the podcast, oh, every single day, I was looking at my ratings. How many reviews? And I was using that as my measure of success. And, of course, that's a nice affirmation, but that is not a measuring stick. And so faithfulness is. What a distinct and beautiful definition, and I hope that frees some people up. Frees them up right now.

Jamie Ivey: Yeah.

Jennifer Rothschild: So, let me ask you this. What advice would you give to a woman who is really kind of struggling to find her own voice, a.k.a. success, when her's is different from Jamie's. Her's is different from her neighbors. Her's is different from Jennifer's. What advice would you give her?

Jamie Ivey: Well, I first want to say I'm glad it's different than Jamie and Jennifer's. You know, I'm glad that you have this unique calling and voice on your life. One of the things, like I remember, I'll give you a story real quick. A couple of years ago, I was, I don't know if you've ever felt like this, Jennifer, but I was feeling as though everything I did was just like Christianese.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes.

Jamie Ivey: Like, I have a Christian podcast. My husband is a pastor. I write Christian books. I just felt like, man, I think I need to spread my wings a little bit here. And I started praying and asking God, "Would You, just, like this is, You know, my heart like, You know, I want to serve women. And I just feel like I'm in a bubble, and I don't really want to live in a bubble, God." And so I was just praying, "Would You open up opportunity?" And, about three weeks and praying that, a friend called me and said, "Hey, this is just crazy and you can pray about this, but we're starting a ministry at our county jail. Would you be interested?" And I said to her, I said, "Well, I've been praying. And the answer is yes." And, the thing that I always think about that example is, is that, that looked different in a different season for me than other women. And I felt so, so called to that ministry for the three years that I served with them. And what it started with was like me just asking God, "God, You know, my heart, like, You know what I'm desiring to do. Can You help me find somewhere I can serve like this?" And, so I would say, I mean, and not to sound too churchy, it can sound churchy sometimes, but it's true. Like pray and ask God, "God, this is what I desire. Where can I be used?" And then I said it earlier, man, I have a friend who says, "The need is the call." And what he means by that when he says that is, look around. Where are the needs in your home, in your community, in your church, in your kids' school, in your food pantry. Whatever it might be. And, where you do life, what are the needs there? And that might be where you're going to be able to use your voice the loudest. And, it might really, you might find a new calling on your life by just seeing where's the need and how can I fit in? So I say it takes a lot of letting go of some fear, stepping out, taking chances. There's been many things that I've served out over my 42 years of life that I'm not doing now, but they were for a season. And that's okay as well. You don't have to think, I'm going to go step out and serve and I'll do this for the next 20 years. You might and that would be awesome.

Jennifer Rothschild: Right.

Jamie Ivey: But just know there's like there's, you know, there's fluidity, there's changing, and just be open to what God has for you.

Jennifer Rothschild: I really appreciate your perspective and your maturity on this is super helpful. It's something we need to be reminded of. And that means there is no small thing in God's sight. Whatever He's called you to do, if you feel invisible right now because you literally feel called to clean the bathrooms at your church because of COVID we can't afford a janitor, you know. Way to go, you, because that's the act of faithfulness and that is so successful. I just love your perspective.

Jamie Ivey: I'm just going to say one more thing, Jennifer. I hate to interrupt you because that's rude, but I want to say this too. I want to encourage this to women. This is what I have found so much because I was, as you were saying, that I was thinking about that woman that is literally looking around thinking, "I don't know what I have to offer. Like, I don't even know what I have going on here." Here's something that has helped me so much is when I have looked around at women that I know that I do life with, there could be a tendency to think if only I could do what she's doing or if I had her gifts or whatever. She's got it all together. Here's what I found that's been so helpful for me, is that when I become a cheerleader for women around me, it's really hard for me to be jealous and envious of what they're doing when I'm genuinely excited for their success, their satisfaction, what they're doing. When I'm genuinely excited for them and the things that God is doing in their life, it makes it really difficult for me to be jealous and envious of them. And listen, I don't have any studies to back this up. It's my own personal experience, but I do feel that God is really asking us to be for people.

Jennifer Rothschild: Amen.

Jamie Ivey: And so, something changes in you when you take your eyes off of yourself and you're for other people and you start to think, oh, like, this is true. We need all of us in the kingdom, and I can cheer you on and it doesn't diminish what I'm doing.

Jennifer Rothschild: Good advice. All right, speaking of advice, okay, this will be our last question. Suppose that you could invite the 20-year-old Jamie to coffee. So, I want to know, number one, what you would drink? And, what advice would you give to her?

Jamie Ivey: Oh, my gosh, Jennifer, if you could know my 20-year-old self. I grew up, I'll keep this short because I know it's the last question, I grew up in a Christian home, but I was not following Jesus until I was about 21. And I had been through some really hard seasons in life. And I was just searching to be loved. I just wanted to be loved unconditionally. And I have a great family. So it's not like I came from a broken home, which would make that understandable for maybe someone searching for that. I was just searching for that love that could only satisfy me, which I know now is through Jesus. And I think it doesn't matter what kind of home you grow up in, our heart is yearning for that love. And so I was searching. I was wanting to be loved. I was giving my heart and my body away to whoever I thought might love me. And so I would look at her as I was, I don't think I drank coffee then, which is kind of funny. I didn't start drinking coffee until I had my second kid. And so, I would look at her and I would tell her that the only way that I would ever feel that love would be through Jesus and to give Him a chance. Because I knew a lot about Him, but I wasn't willing to open my heart up to Him because I was scared He didn't want me. And I would tell her that He loves you in spite of who you are or what you've been. And I learned that a year later. Thank you, Jesus, for still pursuing me. But that's what I would look at that 20-year-old and say.

KC Wright: Honestly, I could have listened to her talk all day long, for hours.

Jennifer Rothschild: I know.

KC Wright: I want to repeat one thing that she said that is still echoing in my mind. She said, "Don't get to the end of your life and realize you spent it wishing you had a different life."

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah. I thought that was good.

KC Wright: Oh, wow. I thought that was so powerful because we can all slip into that thing where we compare or think that our life will begin when. Like when we get that job, or when we get that relationship. You know what I mean?

Jennifer Rothschild: Oh, yeah, exactly. It was, it was really good. The whole conversation was good. And I love that she said that she strives for faithfulness over success because faithfulness is success. I thought that was so powerful and freeing. And, one more thing, I just have to say that she said. Remember how she described that her 20-year-old self would not open her heart to Jesus because she was afraid He wouldn't want her? You know, I thought that was so honest, and it represented how a lot of people may feel. And so, just in case you feel that way, I'm going to just encourage you to open your heart to Him, because He does want you. He loves you. And in fact, if you ask Jesus how much He loves and wants you, He will open His arms as wide as the cross. Just to say, "This much. This much. This is how much I love you. This is how much I want you."

Jennifer Rothschild: I don't know about you, kids, but I'm telling you, this has been a good day on the 4:13. It has been a good day, full of good stuff. I just thought Jamie's conversation was so good and so that means you have to believe, like me, that her book is so good also. Well, that was a lot of times I said, "so good." So obviously I've made my point. It was good. But you can win a copy of Jamie's book through my Instagram. So go to my profile, my Insta profile @JenRothschild or you can go just straight to the show notes at 413podcast.com/137, and that'll get you connected to the Instagram contest. Or you can just get her book right there for you or for someone you love. You know, I was thinking, KC, this book, Jamie's book, would be a really good graduation gift. And graduation is right around the corner for lots of you.

KC Wright: Great gift idea. Yes. And you can listen to it with your ears. With a free trial subscription to Audible. There will be a link on the show notes to Audible, too, or you can simply go to 413podcast.com/audible to get it right there. Well, we have had our very own happy half-hour right here.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes, we have.

KC Wright: And I've enjoyed every minute of it. We are so glad you joined us. We love you and we mean it. So honored you spend your time with us each week. If you haven't left a review, please do it when we get done so your words can encourage others to check out this hope-filled encouragement because we all need to be reminded that we can do it. So, remember, whatever your calling, whoever you are, whatever you face, you can do all things through Christ, who gives you supernatural strength. I can.

Jennifer Rothschild: I can.

KC Wright: And you can.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yes, you can.

KC Wright: We really need a 4:13 jingle. And don't look now, you're the singer in the family.

Jennifer Rothschild: Okay, what would it be?

KC Wright: I don't know.

Jennifer Rothschild: I can, I can. I don't know. We've got our cheesy ending. Isn't that enough?

KC Wright: No, we need a jingle.

Jennifer Rothschild: All right. Maybe we'll do a jingle contest for our next 4:13 Day.

KC Wright: You know, like the best part of waking up.

Jennifer Rothschild: The best podcast you'll ever hear.

KC Wright: Is the 4:13 on your phone.

Jennifer Rothschild: In your ears.

KC Wright: In your ears.

Jennifer Rothschild: Yeah, we did it.